You know what I think is wonderful? Marriage. A lot of people will say marriage is hard. And it's true. It is hard, but it's also really lovely. Marriage in itself is one of the most beautiful, sacred pieces of life. A covenant that declares an everything-ness with one person, a sharing of truly everything- of schedule, of bed, of kisses, of laughs, of one another. When you say yes, you're literally saying, "Yes. I'd like to do everything with you, in all the places, all the time. Ready, go."
Sometimes I'll glance up at Nolan and just in awe that I'm allowed to do this. Like, I get to wake up and there he is, I can hug him anytime I want, I can bear all of my tears in front of him, I can tell him anything.
I just can't believe that I am allowed to let another know me so fully.
What a privilege to be known.
And once to be known, to be loved.
Ultimately, I think this is what everyone is longing for. Someone to truly know them. To be appreciated in their fullness and slowly unraveled from bookend to bookend. And then after everything is said and done, to have that someone look you in the eyes and say, 'Yes, you are exactly what I'm looking for.'
Even in the tightest, most open, most caring and forgiving marriage, or any relationship really, there will still be points of disappointment. There'll be moments of hurt and disbelief, moments of humility and perseverance. Moments when that person you share everything with, will let you down.
And this is why it isn't the best.
Marriage is the deepest union on earth, and yet even marriage cannot fulfill our deepest needs or satisfaction as human beings. There'll be moments when the gaps of our humanity will bear full sunlight and it will be clear that we as humans cannot 'complete each other.'
I remember in our second month of marriage, I was standing in our living room with big, plump tears rolling out of my eyes. Nolan had let me down. I can't even remember what he did, or maybe didn't do. The one thing I do remember, though, was the combination of my high expectations and his humanity, all resulting in a very vivid disappointment when he didn't meet them. I had placed Nolan on a pedestal, and in a way, was expecting more of him than he could offer. Nolan was never made for me. He was never made to complete me. This is not his destiny or his sole purpose. Nolan was made for something a lot bigger than me; he was made for Someone who could love him to full capacity, and so was I.
The only best, the only perfection, and the only hope that I or Nolan can fully know and rely on without any anticipation of disappointment, without separation, is with Jesus. A man that lived grace knew humanity to its worst degree, and yet still chose to bear a brutal death so that He could enter into a relationship with me. So that He could, in all of His knowledge, tell me, "Yes, you are exactly what I'm looking for." So that I could then give him every piece of myself, allowing Him to transform me. He is the best thing for us.
"But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you" Isaiah 43: 1-4
This, my friend, is the best relationship you could ever have.