Marriage Is No Longer Just About Love And, Frankly, It Sucks

Marriage Is No Longer Just About Love And, Frankly, It Sucks

Your whole life, you want a dream marriage with the love of your life. Then you become an adult and find out that's not quite how it's done anymore.

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It definitely could be argued that it has never been solely about love. Way before any of us were even imagined, marriage was a pact between families. You gave one family your daughter in exchange for something, whatever that something may be. I'm sure love was still something you hoped for at that time, but it wasn't expected.

But c'mon! It's 2019 and everyone is always talking about love: love your neighbor, love your family, love everyone! Still, it seems to me that marriage has become just the thing you do when you don't know how else to further your relationship. But, why? To me, marriage should still be a commitment. Not a 'for now' commitment, a 'forever' commitment.

Marriage should be something you've planned because otherwise, you'll never get through the bad parts with your significant other. Instead, it has become something that is more romantic if it's spur of the moment. It might work once in a while, but nine times out of ten, planning something out will only positively affect the outcome, at least when it comes to marriage.

I do understand that it's really hard to make marriage just about love and commitment, though. So many societal, political and economic issues are tied to marriage. For many, love and commitment isn't enough. Maybe that's due to laws prohibiting their marriage or maybe it's due to policies that would put one or both people into poverty if they were to be married. Whatever the reason, it happens and it SUCKS.

I know marriage isn't a big deal to many, "It's just a label," is something you hear all the time about all different kinds of relationship statuses. For myself, and people like me who need validation that their significant other is committed to them, though, this label is one of the most important labels there is, at least when the time is right.

For us, marriage is saying, "Yes, I love you and I will continue to love you. I will not leave because you made a mistake or messed up. I will not leave because of whatever problems you're facing. I am here, no matter what. You can count on me." But it's not only people like me who want that commitment. Most people deep down want commitment, even if marriage isn't the form they want it in.

Also just as I want someone to commit to me in that way, I also want to commit to someone else in that way. When you promise to love someone forever and help them through whatever they may face, you feel more important in the world. You give more meaning to who you are and what you do. You are not only you, but you are someone who is important to another person.

I want marriage to be important again. I want it to mean something to the world. I want us to disregard religion, politics and anything else that has an influence on marriage. I want it to be just about two people who are in love, committing themselves to each other.

I want marriage to be what I once thought it was. I want it to be about sacrifice, commitment and all the other good and bad things you must go through.

Most importantly though, I want marriage to be about love. Without love, we would all be lost.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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Sorry, I Just Don't Want To Get Married Because I'm Genuinely Scared Of Commitment

Maybe it's just not meant for me, yet.

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Marriage, it's been something that has been talked about ever since we were young children, especially girls. In society, the life of a woman is leading up to meeting the "perfect" man and getting married. Marriage is the final destination for a woman, having children, and living happily ever after. I don't necessarily believe in "happily ever after" or the "perfect" man in life because it doesn't exist.

This is probably the pessimist in me jumping out and proclaiming my truth because life isn't perfect and I just don't want to believe in something that isn't real. Alright, let me explain myself about reasons I don't want to get married before everyone thinks I'm against love. I'm not against love and falling in love, I think love is a beautiful thing. Falling in love, being in love, finding someone to love is something I hope for.

I think everyone is scared of love and what it pertains to, but that's normal, everyone is scared of that. The one thing that I'm not scared of and don't want in life is to be married, why is that you may ask? I don't think there was a specific time in my young life when I remembered the certainty of not getting married. The issue I struggle with is a commitment, the idea of commitment to one person forever isn't something I'm interested in.

Ever since I was young, committing to different things was never my "thing" as an individual. Reading that out loud sounds incredibly weird, but I never could commit to playing an instrument, sports, and activities. It either became too boring or when everything became too hard, I would just quit. Quitting those types of things are easy, while they are commitments, they aren't intense commitments like marriage.

Quitting a marriage isn't an easy thing to do, you obviously can't return the supplies from it and act like it never happened. You're promising someone "till death do us apart" and dedicating a day to this person. Not to be incredibly surface level, but I enjoy weddings, I love weddings because those days are always so happy and everyone is filled with joy. I'm worried about making a promise with an individual that I won't be able to keep.

I don't want to make a promise in my life that I won't be able to keep up with an individual if I'm making a commitment I want to keep it. I think I'm worried about disappointment and heartbreak. Giving it all to one person and it never working out, committing your time and life while watching it all fall apart. Now, that's not what I want to happen, so, for the time being, I'll be avoiding the topic of marriage.

I think I've realized that I'm scared of commitment and of marriage. I think I'm too young to start thinking about marriage and only being 20, a little too young to start it. One day, in the far, far future, I'll find someone that'll change my mind about marriage and my thoughts about it. It might be in two years, five years, or even ten years until my thoughts potentially change. I don't oppose it, but it isn't for me at the moment, so please don't think I'm a complete hater of marriage.

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