There is one trait I most admire in people, and it isn’t a very common one: individuality or independence. Those aren’t the words to best describe it. Maybe the best way to describe it is marching to the beat of your own drum. Women who are unapologetically themselves are people I admire. They don’t constantly need to be seeking the approval of others and are perfectly capable of making their own decisions. They don’t rely on others, but if they can do this while still caring for people then they’ve really got it made.
This was not something I always admired though. As a kid, I was always taught to just hang out with whomever, and was encouraged to go against the flow and to just be me. It was one of those things I was told again and again, but it didn’t really stick until just this past year. More than anything, I longed for a group or a clique. I wanted that security so badly, and the thought of not having a “core group of friends” terrified me. I would find a group and would cling to them. I think most high schoolers can say they felt this way, too.
But, now, in my junior year of college, I’m comfortable in my own skin -- well, becoming more comfortable in my own skin. It was at a dance this past year that I was dancing with a group of friends when I saw other friends and danced over to them. Then I saw another group of people and went over and danced with them. I kind of hopped into different social circles throughout the dance, and I loved it. This isn’t meant to be a braggy, “I have so many friends” post but just a post reflecting on how freeing it is to not be tied to just one group of friends.
I don’t think I have a group of friends. I think I just have a lot of really good friends in different social circles, involved in different activities. I no longer need to rely on a group for direction in my life, and it is liberating. I’ve never felt pressure to dress a certain way. People who know me know that I dress in whatever style I’m feeling even if it’s quirky, and I think I’m learning that same lesson in my friendships. I don’t need to be friends with “certain” people. Life is too short to restrict friendships.
I’m not 100 percent there, yet. I don’t think I’m fully marching to the beat of my own drum just yet. But I’ve seen a growth in myself. Sometimes, losing relationships and friendships gives you the freedom to discover that your value doesn’t come from the friends you hang out with. By experiencing rejection I discovered that the rejection does not determine my worth. Even though experiencing disappointment is painful, it allows you to truly discover who you are, and once you know that and you learn to just love yourself for who you are, well, then, the bravery to go against the flow becomes a part of you.
So, cheers to the women who do the things that no one understands, who love themselves even if the rest of the world tells them not to, who aren’t afraid to be quirky, nerdy, or just weird, who can admit their flaws, who don’t require validation from the world around them, who go against the flow, who aren’t afraid to stand out in a crowd, who march to the beat of their own drummer. May we befriend them, meet them, know them, and become them.
