Recently, I’ve seen several articles about dating popping up on my newsfeed; one expressed frustration at the tiring game of pretense it has become, another urged women and men to stop complaining about the “struggles” of dating when no standards were in place and yet another about whether it was Biblically proper for a girl to ask a guy on a date. The common factor between all three was that each was written by a girl. Therefore, I thought I’d weigh in on the topic of dating from a male perspective.
Firstly, men are generally poor at catching hints or implied messages (there are exceptions to the rule, though.) You practically have to hit us over the head sometimes to get us to notice or understand your message. Please don’t make it more difficult for us than it has to be. Be direct and honest. If you’re interested in a guy, tell him. If a guy is interested in you, but you are not interested in him, be upfront about it. You can be direct without being mean. The man may initially feel let down and disappointed, but he will eventually be appreciative of the fact you were honest, instead of unnecessarily leading him on.
So, assume you are interested in a guy. How would you get him to notice you? Well, a good way to start is by making friends with him. Introduce yourself, talk to him and find some common interests and friends. Be yourself around him. Self-confidence and honesty are very attractive traits; putting on a façade or show is a recipe for disaster down the line.
Third, watch how he treats his friends and his sister(s) or mother, if applicable. It serves as a foretaste of how he is likely to treat you. If he is disrespectful of women or of authority, run! Don’t assume you can change him as his girlfriend; many have tried and failed with that assumption.
Fourth, pray for him, with him and about him. Ask the guy if you can pray for him. It’s a safe way to get to know his concerns and worries and a great source of support and comfort for the guy. Though we men may try to look like we have everything under control, the truth is that we too experience valleys of disappointment and road bumps of stress. If he looks like he’s having a tiring or stressful day, offer to pray for him. Above all, commit this interest to God. He is the One who is ultimately in control. After all, the Bible tells us, “And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Eccl 4:12) If God intends for you two to eventually end up together, He will work out the details.
Fifth, offer to run an errand, give a high-five, buy him candy, give him a compliment or a kind word, or offer a listening ear should he need it. People have different “love languages” and if you pay close attention, you will be able to pick them out. The five love languages as explained by Gary Chapman are acts of service, physical touch, gifts, words of affirmation and quality time. Most people have one of the five as their main love language and it will be manifested in how they try to show love and care towards others and how they respond to various actions of kindness. Find out what the guy responds best to and actively seek to find little opportunities to care for him. Be consistent and he will eventually notice your persistent and honest friendship and cherish it.
Lastly, keep yourself accountable. Overstepping boundaries usually leads to hurt for both parties involved. Be careful about leaving yourself in one-on-one situations, where temptation can escalate all too quickly. There is safety in numbers and mutual friends. Ask mutual friends to hold you accountable and to speak up if they see warning signs of overstepped physical or emotional boundaries. Remember to treat him as a brother in Christ and as a friend, for until you are engaged, you are not partners. Speak to your spiritual mentors (parents, pastor, etc.) for guidance and advice; they have likely walked the same road and you can draw from their successes and learn from their mistakes.
In conclusion, seek God and you will find satisfaction in His will for you. Have faith that in His time and will, He will bring someone alongside you. Look for a man who loves God with all his heart, because if he knows how to love God, he’ll know how to love you.
