To the man that broke my heart,
You were my home, my best friend, and the one I wanted to spend my life with. You were the first person I ever loved. The first person I ever said those three words to. The first person I allowed to fully know me. The first person to pop the question and the first I said "yes" to. You were the first person I was prepared to give everything up for. My career, my family, my plan for life seemed incomparable to the bond we had. You were the one person that I named future kids with. You were the one person I considered moving in with. You were my emergency contact when it came to medical, physical, emotional, and joyful times. You were my rock and my heart.
And you threw it away.
You took what love and devotion I had for you for granted. You saw my trust and love as something you could manipulate. You built a life with me and in one swift motion, you threw it in the trash.
The sheer thought of you used to infuriate me, scare me, and naw at me every single day. You were the figure I was searching for in a crowd or at one of "our" restaurants and the thought of actually seeing you terrified me. You were the person I hated the most in the world, but you were the only one I wanted to talk to about the heartache.
The heartbreak you put me through is the reason I am so distant towards everyone and the reason I feel afraid to connect with anyone. It is the reason I seem to run as soon as a relationship starts to be serious. It is the reason I had to go through a period of self-discovery to truly find who I am and what I want without another person connected to me.
And, now, after many tear-filled nights and long periods of self-evaluation, I thank you for all of this.
Thank you for forcing myself to see that I had to go through this heartache to see what I am made of.
Thank you for making my life spiral so out of control that I now understand the need of living in the moment.
Thank you for breaking my heart so much that I had no choice but to completely rebuild it out of steel.
Thank you for making me so attached to you that when I was no longer, I had to learn to stand completely on my own.
Thank you for forcing me to view my trust as the most delicate item in my possession. One to be protected, guarded, and secured at all times.
Thank you for destroying my thoughts on the future we would've had so that I may imagine a completely new one with the person of my dreams.
Thank you for the heartache that knocked me to the literal floor. It made me remember who my parents raised me to be.
Thank you for not being the "love of my life," but for being the love of a period of my life.
A woman that has grown