Mama,

Today is March 7, 2018. Your 68^th birthday is tomorrow. The last birthday we celebrated with you was on March 8, 2008. You turned 58. Like always, we made a big deal about it. We bought you a brand new gazebo to replace the one that was ruined in a hurricane the summer before. It was a Saturday, and we made a huge brunch and ate outside under that gazebo. It was an all-day affair, with friends, neighbors, and family stopping by throughout the day and well into the evening.

One day wasn’t enough to celebrate you, but we made the most of it, like every year before. The years that followed, it was achingly obvious that you weren’t around. We still buy you a gift every year. It’s always a Yankee candle, and we take turns each year, trading off on who gets to keep it. This year, we’re making the trip to Arlington to visit you.

Did you know I never saw your obituary? I made myself look it up just now:

Linda Lopez Caldwell VIRGINIA BEACH - Linda Lopez Caldwell was born in Jacksonville, Fla., on March 8, 1950. She was a Virginia Beach resident for nearly 50 years. She taught third grade at St. Gregory's for 36 years and many of her students may know her as Ms. Lopez. She was also a member of their parish.

She passed away Sept. 20, 2008, exactly six months after her husband, James Lynn Caldwell. They are survived by two sons, Jonathan Lynn and Matthew James, and one daughter, Kerri Alice Caldwell. A Mass will be held in her honor at St. Gregory's Friday at 1 p.m. H.D. Oliver Funeral Apts., Norfolk Chapel, is handling arrangements.

Published in The Virginian Pilot on Sept. 24, 2008

Sometimes I feel like you wouldn’t be proud of me. Sometimes, without a doubt, I know you are. Other times, I don’t care if you aren’t. Lately, though, I really care. I know the things that have happened to me were well out of my control, but at the end of the day, the life you wanted for me is as unreachable as you are.

You may not be disappointed in me, but I know you would be crushed at the life I’ve had to create. It is nothing like what you and I used to talk about. I have no doubt you’re well aware of everything, because I can feel you watching over me. But the thought of you being as unhappy as I am is a daily struggle that takes up too much space in my head.

But then I saw something at the bottom of your obituary. A comment section, with the number 16 next to it. I opened up the page and found that comments had been left. As I read each one, I was reminded of the person you were through the eyes of others:

September 27, 2008

Some of my very first memories are of going to church with Mrs. Caldwell and her parents. Being one of the few Filipino families living in Pembroke was a special bond. That bond continued throughout adulthood. I will sincerely miss her and honor her memory.
Cindy DeLaCruz Outland

Cynthia Outland, Virginia Beach, VA

September 26, 2008

On Thursday, when Raphaël's grandpa picked him up from St Gregory, Raphaël couldn't stop telling him how much he loves this teacher and how wonderful she is. He insisted that she was his very favorite teacher of all times...The call from Sister Mary came as we were about to start Raphaël's 9th birthday party (born on 20 Sept 99).

As you can imagine, each year, on Sept. 20th, we will remember Mrs Caldwell. She was truly a caring, soft speaking person. Father Nichols from St Benedict Chapel is going to say a mass for the repose of her soul. We will never stop praying for Mrs Caldwell and her children. What a difficult time this must be for them, to lose both parents the same year. My heart goes out to them.

Emmanuelle Pouliquen, Chesapeake, VA

September 25, 2008

Your mom was a childhood friend of mine. I have the fondest of memories of her. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Elizabeth Hernandez-Myers, Lexington Park, MD

September 25, 2008

The halls of St. Gregory's will not be the same without Mrs. Caldwell in them.
Please know that I am covering the entire family in prayer during this difficult time.

Christine Whitmore Rucker, North Augusta, SC

September 25, 2008

We have each of you, Jonathan, Matthew, and Kerri, in our prayers. Your mother taught our son in third grade and she was wonderful. With your mother's kind heart, soft-spoken words and her love for the Lord; she has left fond memories in the lives of those she met and knew. Knowing your mother for twelve years, she will truly be missed and we will continue to pray for her and each of you. May God continue to bless and keep each of you.

The Vogel Family, Virginia Beach, VA

September 25, 2008

Mrs. Caldwell, it was about ten years ago that you taught me, and I still have that lead in my right palm from the day I stabbed my own hand by accident. You will forever be missed, and forever will be in my memories.

Margo Savage, Virginia Beach, VA

September 25, 2008

Was so saddened to hear of Linda's passing. May God keep careful watch over her precious children. My heart goes out to them and I will pray for them always and forever.

Teri Wszolek, Virginia Beach, VA

September 24, 2008

The Hulburt Family has the fondest memories of Linda and her peaceful heart. She taught both of our children and they remember her as an entertaining, positive teacher that made learning fun. We will always remember her as she touched many people's lives. Our prayers are with Jon, Kerri, and Matt as she will always be with them watching over and guiding them through their lives.

Mary Jo Hulburt, Virginia Beach, VA

September 24, 2008

It has been thirty years since you taught me in third grade. You made such a lasting impression on me that I have always considered you to be my favorite teacher. Thank you for being such a wonderful, warm, compassionate and caring person. Miss Lopez, I will keep you and your children in my prayers.

Maricris Burk, Canton, MI

September 24, 2008

Twenty-nine years ago, you taught my daughter in third grade and remained a positive influence in her life, for which I'm grateful. "Ms. Lopez", as you were known then, was her "favorite, and beautiful teacher". May God bless you, your children and the rest of your family.

Esther M Corpus, Norfolk, VA

September 24, 2008

I have been friends with Linda since childhood. My heart is breaking for her children. My prayers are with them and the rest of Linda's family. Linda, my friend, rest in peace.

Chris Butler, Chesapeake, VA

September 24, 2008

Mrs. Caldwell taught me in third grade more than 25 years ago. What a great teacher! I have thought of her often. Please know that you are in my prayers!

Kristie Teller-Lawrence, Virginia Beach, VA

September 24, 2008

God Bless you, Mrs. Caldwell. We will miss you greatly. You were such an understanding and helpful 3rd-grade teacher. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless, The Caldwell Family.
-The Squires Family

K Squires, Virginia Beach, VA

September 24, 2008

The Hill family would like to extend our deepest sorrow to the Caldwell family. We are sorry for your loss. She will be missed dearly at St. Gregory's for she was a wonderful part of the community.

Patty, Pat and Clayton Hill, Virginia Beach, VA

September 24, 2008

Bless you, Mrs. Caldwell. I'll always remember your kindness as my daughter's third-grade teacher. Much love from another Softball Mom.

Mary Trotter, Virginia Beach, VA

September 24, 2008

I will miss you Mrs Caldwell. Peace be with you and your family. I will always be your student.Love Emma Warren

Emma Warren, Norfolk, VA

I have never read these comments, left by students, friends, and various other people that knew you. These comments have been sitting here, unread by me for almost ten years. I know it’s far too late, but I wish each person that took the time to leave these kind words knew how much it means to me, all these years later.

I wish they knew that they’ve reminded me of who you were. You were someone who had a special place in your heart for anyone and everyone. You didn’t care where someone came from, their skin color, their religion, or if they were begging on the street corner. You could make anyone feel better about themselves after talking with them, and I remember always coming home and finding you in the kitchen with one of our friends.

I realize now, that’s what’s missing in my life. I don’t have you to talk to anymore, to help me see that just because my life isn’t like everyone else’s, or even what I planned it to be, that it’s still a good life. It would be better if you were still in it, though. To watch those grandkids you wanted so badly grow up.

They know who you are, they know who their Lola is. Our lives would be so much better, and brighter, and fuller if you were still here. The chaos in my life, in my head, and in my heart would be lighter if you were still around to talk to. Nothing will ever replace this, but after today, after seeing you through the eyes of others, it’s almost the next best thing.

Almost.

Happy birthday in heaven, Mama. We love and miss you every day.

Love,

Your Wildchild