Making decisions is one of my weaker skills.
My indecisiveness reached its lowest point while making breakfast one Saturday morning: should I cook my eggs over easy, or make an omelet with mushrooms and cheese? Well, over easy would take less time and less clean up, but an omelet would definitely taste better. At the same time, do I really need that fat and extra calories from cheese? Are two eggs by themselves really going to keep me full for the day? Today, I couldn’t tell you the choice I ended up making. All I remember is that I wasted time and energy weighing two outcomes that probably have no significant difference.
I realized that Saturday I needed to change my way of thinking. I was losing time by unnecessarily contemplating; I was losing enjoyment from appreciating the actions I actually made because the thought of “what if I did this the other way?” always sat at the back of my mind. I had to quit overthinking the outcomes of any possible action I could potentially make, and instead just act on my intelligent instinct.
My greatest struggle in making the change was debating whether or not the decision I made was right decision. I would find myself finally choosing one option over another, but failing to shake the idea of what could have been if I choose the other option instead. Could I have gained more benefits from the option I missed out on? I kind of had FOMO with everything from staying in on a Saturday night and getting homework done to wearing a red t-shirt instead of a blue t-shirt to class. I never let myself feel content with the decisions I made, and it seemed as though I wasn’t making progress toward change.
Around this time, I heard a saying that caught my attention: “The only wrong decision is to never make one at all.” I spent some time thinking about this line, and it helped to assure me that, at least, I finally was making decisions. I no longer sat with a TV remote in my hand, Verizon On Demand menu flashing in front of me, debating whether I should watch Inside Amy Schumer because I knew I would laugh or The Daily Show because I would be a little more informed on the news. I had begun to make a habit of deciding to do more and think less, which was a step to improving my indecisiveness.
My decision making skills have grown stronger since I chose to be more decisive, but I still have my downfalls. Just this weekend, on the edge of Hurricane Joaquin, I had gotten off my first of three trains to visit a friend at a different school. We were texting, contemplating if I should visit another weekend when it would be nicer. She left the choice up to me, and I sat feeling paralyzed with my bags packed at 30th Street Station. I could travel three hours in nasty weather and try not to be miserable with my friend, or save myself the trouble and crawl back (miserably) into my own bed. One hour and $11 later, I made the decision to visit her another weekend. I was not completely happy with the decision, but feeling comfortable in my warm apartment was better than trying to weigh my thoughts in a noisy train station.
I now act more and think less for the sake of relieving unnecessary stress and pressure. I will never be able to tell if one decision over another is what ends up being “right.” Any choice I ignore doesn’t matter in the wake of my actual choice, because the expectation I had about another option is not what I end up truly experiencing. I have learned to be more confident in my intelligent decision making skills; I have learned to flow with, and more importantly, enjoy and appreciate the outcomes that result from my own decisions.
