Know Before You Commit

Before You Commit, Make Sure He's Worth It

One day, you'll fall in love with someone you will inevitably need to let go.

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Make sure he's worth it; that guy you'll lose sleep over. The one you'll choose to have your heart and do with it whatever he pleases until you realize that you need it back. Make sure he's worth the weight you'll gain when you start skipping the gym just to spend time with him, and the weight you'll gain when you start eating heart-shaped chocolates by the box while you cuddle a pillow alone, watching romantic comedies where everything goes wrong but, somehow, still ends up right.

Make sure you understand that when he doesn't chase you in the rain, or down his driveway, or text you back, or ask for a second chance, that's the same as everything turned out right in those movies you love. This is just the kind of right that doesn't make money in the box office but does make a heck of wonder out of you.

Make sure he's really worth it.

You'll start praying for him more than you do your own family, shamefully so but incredibly true, so make sure he's worth all the blessings he'll never have any idea are coming from your forehead pressed to the floor in sujood. Be prepared to think about him a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. Like so much you'll worry you're not really over him, three years after you've already convinced yourself four different times that you are totally over him.

You'll think about him when you're lonely, which will be often. You'll think about him when you see a full moon and remember his eyes or the way you both looked at the same moon from different parts of the country that one time you romanticized how lucky you were to be a girl in love in Hawaii, while he was still on the Florida beach where you fell for him.

You'll think about him a lot while you're PMS'ing.

You'll cuss him out at random in your car, and cry at small things he used to do like looking right past you, and never holding you tight enough.

Make sure he's worth it all. Every tear, every poem, every diary entry, every whisper to the stars, every song that makes you think of him, and every dream you wake up from and text him after, "Hey. Just dreamt about you again. I hope you're doing well. Miss you." Make sure he's worth that "Miss you" because you will miss him, no matter how badly you beg yourself not to. You'll love him long, long after you are not in love with him anymore, so make sure he is worth being the one who teaches you the difference between need and desire, heartbreak and healing pains, loss and overcoming.

Make sure when he calls you beautiful, and you believe him, you thank him somehow for being the first person to ever make you believe in that fact. Make sure you are honest with him for why you leave, or you'll never forgive yourself for it later. Tell him "it's not you, it's me" because you will finally understand what the hell that statement means, and why it's so popular. You will most definitely be the problem. He will be busy living the life of the carefree twenty-something bachelor, gorgeous and talented, on a path to everything he deserves and more, and you will be there right behind him with your prayers and your love and applause. But no matter how badly your mom and your little sister want him to be the one because he will win them over with his charisma and his impressive sneaker collection, you will not be on that path beside him. You will realize that although a year older than you, the boy you are in love with is not the man you have been waiting for, and you will know it before you'll know how to tell him.

But make sure you tell him anyway. Practice saying the phrase "I love you, but" in the mirror until your jaw aches and you can say it in your sleep. Practice what comes after the "but". Practice telling him you deserve more than love that isn't coming back to you. Practice telling him that nineteen years of self-love has taught you exactly how to be enough for yourself, and you are not willing to compromise an ounce of your worth just to justify his. Tell him you can't, because as much as you'd like to pretend differently, that self-love did not come easily. It's been a marathon of eating disorders and body dysmorphia fits of rage and family histories of mental illness, name calling, and backbiting, and crying and crying and crying. None of which he will know about because, well, he never asked.

And that is okay. It is more than okay because it will make leaving so much easier. You will not be leaving any of yourself behind that didn't already belong to him before you knew him, and while it won't help the pain, it might help the act of healing from it quite a bit. So take full responsibility for wanting more from your life than he can provide, and let the rose colored glass of the house you built for him shatter as you slam the door on your way out of it.

This relationship, your dear heart, is a broken thing to be proud of.

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7 Signals A Girl Will Try To Send You If She Likes You As More Than A Friend

Girls do subliminal things to show you her interest in you. Pay attention to these low key signs that she is shooting her shot.

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It is never easy when a girl has to fully admit her feelings to a guy she likes, so instead, she sends slight signals in hopes that he picks up on her hints.

1. She can't stop smiling at you

She is happy to talk to you and to be in your presence, the smallest things that you do make her want to smile. She can't control the happiness inside and it comes out in a great big smile. In her head, she is just thinking about how much she enjoys spending time with you and how much she likes you.

2. She hugs you with both arms

Side hugs are common, easy, and very universal. She wants to give you full body hug because to show you she feels different about you than any other guy. With a full body hug she can rest her face on your chest and this just brings the two of you closer.

3. She makes direct eye contact

Direct eye contact is always a great sign. This means she is fully aware of everything you are saying and she is completely interested.

4. She scans your face and lips

Upon talking to you, she begins to scan your face. In this moment she is appreciating your attractiveness and completely zoned out. Forget you said anything to her because she probably was not listening. If she is looking at your lips then she definitely wants a kiss.

5. She says "Oh my god, stahhhp"

The 'I'm mad at you, but I'm flirting with you' slogan. She is trying to be cute and pick a fight with you so you can two can play around. She's hoping this will lead to cracking jokes

6. She adjusts her clothing

She is fidgety when your around because she has feelings for you and is nervous. She wants to look her best with you around, so she is subconsciously fixing herself so that nothing looks bad.

7. She sends you cute snap chats

Silly, crazy, and just straight up ugly snap chats are for friends. If her selfies are , done each time, then she cares a lot about how you see her and she wants you to see her at her best. She is not always looking for a compliment, but throw one her way and you will make her day.

Pay attention to the signs a girl is sending. Her body language and behavior around all come together for an important message, she likes you! A lot.

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Ladies, Stop Trying To Teach Boys How To Be Your Man If They're Not Even Men In The First Place

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

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I see. this way too often, honestly it upsets me and breaks my heart. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to put her on her Snapchat story. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to get off a video game and spend time with her. It breaks my heart when I see a girl doodling on a napkin at the dinner table and her boyfriend is on his phone and hasn't even looked up at her once. These things break my heart because this girl, whoever she may be, maybe it is you? She deserves a man. What she has though, is a boy. And before you say anything, yes, there is a huge difference.

I was that girl once. I begged and begged my ex-boyfriend all the time to put me on his Snapchat story. You may be reading this and be thinking "Wow she's a little attention seeking." No, that is not it at all. A simple act of being posted about made me feel special, loved, missed at times, and served as reassurance and a word of affirmation for me. Do you want to know something silly? Maybe you've done it too. Sometimes I would do something crazy to get his attention. Something funny, and silly and random just so he would post me on his story and I wouldn't have to ask.

At the dinner table, I was that girl that while he was on his phone I was sliding him notes on a napkin saying "I love you" or "Hi" or funny jokes to get his full and undivided attention.

At home, I was the girl that used to literally throw myself at him while he was playing video games to try and get him to press pause for two minutes and pay attention to me and have a conversation with me.

You see, I was that girl. But I refuse to ever be that girl again. If you are that girl, stop what you're doing.

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

There is a big difference between a boy and a man. Contrary to what society may believe most boys don't actually turn into men until they are almost 40. Scary for us girls right? But here's the kicker and to be honest it has nothing to do with age.

Any boy that is in the process of becoming a man and maturing is going to know how to treat a woman. He is not going to choose video games or his phone over you. He is going to post you everywhere all the time because he wants to show you off to the world and make you feel special. He isn't going to ever leave you wondering.

The list could really go on comparing and contrasting the differences between a boy and a man but the important ones to remember when you are in a relationship are:

1. A boy thinks "me." A man thinks "us"

2. A boy gives false promises. A man honors his commitments (one being you.)

3. A boy cares about how you look in jeans. A man cares about how you look in his future.

4. You will always wonder how a boy feels about you. You will always know how a man feels about you.

All too often I see girls in the act of this. It is almost like they are training a dog or raising a child. They order them around and become demanding when it comes to doing things that make them feel special, validated and reassured. Granted, they are doing this because their relationship is lacking something but the truth is, it shouldn't be lacking something in the first place.

You are dating a boy not a man. I hate to break that to you. I really do. It's the hardest news you'll ever receive. Why? Well because

You can't fix him, you can't teach him, and you can't change a boy into a man. They have to do it on their own

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