I Love Theatre But Hate The Major

I Love Theatre, But HATE The Major

It's time to move on from something that's not meant to be.

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Growing up, I loved being in the spotlight, from ballet recitals, Christmas plays, high school musicals, to college. I loved every bit of it, but then college happened.

I couldn't decide what I wanted to major in once I got accepted to Kennesaw State. I had thought of Education because ever since I was little, I wanted to be a teacher. But I loved theatre so much. I had succeeded in getting lead roles and improving myself in high school that I thought college would be no problem. I was told over and over that the drama competition is relentless and full of divas and fake people. I knew that, but I wanted to do what I love.

Now, here I am almost a Junior in college, changing my major because I grew to resent theatre. I grew to resent everything about myself. This may sound like I'm a whiny child, but I am not kidding when I say that being a theatre major at Kennesaw state means nothing.

Being a theatre major at Kennesaw State means you have it or you don't. the 'it' that I'm referring to is the look of an actress/actor, not the actual acting. You have to really prove yourself and work double if you aren't as attractive or have the right social skills as the 'it' crowd.

I never had the look or social skills, which is fine, I've never cared about that. Directors want you to succeed, but most importantly, they want you to worship the ground they walk on. I've never once kissed a professor's ass to get a role. I worked for it like everyone should and this is how theatre is.

If you don't kiss the directors butt enough, you pretty much learn nothing. You aren't pulled under anyone's wing, you aren't pulled aside in class and given special treatment. You get nothing. I'm going into my fifth semester and I still feel like a freshman. I still don't know my strength and weakness' as an actress because I haven't been given a chance, no matter how hard I tried and put myself out there.

So, I'm giving up. It's not like I'm making room for anyone since I was practically invisible. I also understand that I may sound like a whiny student who didn't get the attention she wanted and I don't care. I'm exhausted from trying to put myself out there and being pushed away. I'm changing my major because theatre isn't fun anymore. It's not something in my dreams. It's something that I roll my eyes over now, and this isn't some Broadway musical or movie where in the end I'll get noticed by some director and live happily ever after in actor world.

This simply just isn't for me. Which is okay, but I'm also tired of people talking up the theatre department when they've never been a part of it. I was shut down day one of freshman year, and I really tried to make friends and work hard but there comes a point where you know it'll never be enough. Who wants friends that you have to force yourself to be around or be in a show because you just want to show everyone except yourself that you're worth something. While I was doing that, I was demoting myself, making myself small.

This is the end of my rant on the TPS department. This is a sad moment because it's like a big 15 yearlong chapter is ending, but it'll work out.

Cover Image Credit:

Mine

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.
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Hey,

So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?

Sincerely,

Me

Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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Writing Saved My Sanity

Write it all down when you can't talk to anyone.

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I love writing.

I have since elementary school, and I've dreamed of becoming a published author. I started off writing stupid plays in elementary school, then it grew it almost writing a full-blown novel in middle school. I have no idea where that thing went to. It was all notebook paper and bad writing. In high school, my writing was kinda pushed to the side so I could focus on school. When I entered college, I started writing small poems about my now ex-boyfriend.

I was scared to express myself to him sometimes, the intensity of my feelings for him scared me. So instead of telling him, I wrote them down. When I tried to share them with him, he hated it. He thought writing down feelings was weird and creepy. So I didn't share anything else with him. When we finally broke up for good, everything just poured out of me. What I couldn't express verbally, I wrote or typed out.

I always have ideas flowing through my head. They never cease and I wouldn't want them to. Writing gives me an escape, from stress, work, school, or fights. It gives me a place to vent and to be open with everything. This is a reason I love writing for Odyssey, not only has this place brought me amazing friends but revived my love for writing. I'm never without my notebook anymore, I'd get distracted in class by an idea and have to write I think then and there.

I love sharing my more personal writing with close friends, especially my poems as of late. I found that I have a voice for young women who find themselves in a toxic relationship much like mine was. I want to speak out and show them that you can grow from the bullshit. It may take some time, but you will be better.

Writing saved my sanity. It allows me to express myself without having to use my actual voice. Anyone who knows me, knows I hate public speaking. I tend to psych myself out leading up to it. My current projects include writing for Odyssey every week, I'm in the process of trying to continue my short stories, and I'm excited to announce that I'm currently working on my very first poetry book!

Writing has given me so much, and I'm so looking forward to making a career out of something I love so much.

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