Is Love Or Respect More Important In A Relationship

Is Love Or Respect More Important In A Relationship

What is the key to a good relationship?
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Respect was invented to cover the empty place where love should be. Leo Tolstoy.


Relationships are one of the sweetest things and beautiful gifts nature/God has bestowed upon us. It's meant to be enjoyed and if there are challenges which are meant to be surmounted, but most times, this beautiful gift that is meant to be enjoyed ends up being a source of pain. Love can be crazy when it's not meant to be. Emotions can become wild when all we ever needed to be at that particular time is sane. You hear people say, I love him! Oh! I love her! I just can't help certain things. Some times ladies would say, I'm just cool with anything you know, so far, he keeps loving me, we all have excesses you know, and I love him. And when you look at the issues that warrants these statements, it all boils down to the tussle of Love and Respect.

Sometimes we get carried away by our emotions that we think love is all we need. At times, when we are not carried away, we are displacing Respect to cover Love. I've gotten my heart broken and I've learnt to rise, not forgetting where the balance lies between Love and Respect.

Love is a feeling of strong and constant affection for a person, and in this context, it's all about romantic love. Respect on the other hand, is a feeling of understanding or admiration that something or someone should be treated in an appropriate way. In a relationship, respect may even be more crucial than love. And often times, you can't really separate love from respect because as far as I am concerned, love is respect. How can you not respect someone you claim to love?

So, when you love someone, you respect them, their feelings, privacy, boundaries, decisions, food choices, mode of dressing etc. It is only when you respect your partner that it becomes easy for him/her to do same to you because often times, trust is part of respect. Therefore, your partner might wanna change/sacrifice a little bit or some things for you if he or she sees how much you value them.

Are there any boundaries between Love and Respect?

Well, love isn't all we need. We all need respect, in that, love itself can be egocentric. Love without respect is dangerous and it can literally crush the other person. See, people can love each other and still abuse each other and then, a Believer like me would say, he never really loved her. . . Don't be with a man or a woman because they say I love you all the time, buys you stuff yet insults you in front of your friends and theirs, your family or even lampoons your imperfections. I've heard people say stuff like why do you always chew like a goat? Stop allowing yourself to be abused because sometimes, it's love that makes abuse feel okay. You walk in on your partner sleeping with another lady/man, he probably didn't stop even though he/she saw you and they keep asking you why you stayed and you say, I just love him/her. . .

Love brings bliss to relationships if only tempered with respect. It's not only love that spurs you to warm your partner's bed, cook and clean but it's the awareness that you're doing all of these for someone that loves and respects you. You cannot want one and not want the other. It can make you comfortable for a while or you can tell yourself you are comfortable but the feeling is never going to last.

Finally, to respect is to understand that the other person is not you, not an extension of you, not a reflection, not your toy, pet or product. It's only when you genuinely respect the individuality of the other person that we can truly love them.

Love is watery without respect.

Cover Image Credit: So Feminine

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Valentine's Day Shouldn't Be a Celebration

Reflections on the social obligations of Valentine's Day.
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I think that Valentine's Day is a little too much. Don't get me wrong, V-Day is amazing for couples who are in happy and healthy relationships, but it adds an unnecessary pressure to conform to societal standards. This is mostly why I decided to wear a headband with the words "Girls Rule" on the top, in which people thought was a tiara. I mostly decided to hang out with gal friends and had an amazing day nonetheless. Valentine's day is a pretty dreaded day for people who aren't creative with it, and although it can be a great way of spreading love awareness, what I want to touch base with is this: why it has become so sensationalized today.

Some people really hate Valentines day--maybe because they have had bad relationships, horrible memories, are perpetually single, or even, because they feel an obligation or pressure to conform to the societal construct of the day.

The history of this loving day starts with the legend of St. Valentine. "Valentine’s Day, in fact, originated as a liturgical feast to celebrate the decapitation of a third-century Christian martyr," as stated from the Smithsonian. During his time period, marriage was arranged, not out of love. The priest (and many others after him) married couples who were in love in secret through the church. St. Valentine and his reputation since then has always been of spreading love through faith.

In modern day, this sense of traditional love is lost. Just like any other holiday in the U.S., the advertisements for Valentine's Day start staggeringly early. You roam the halls of the drug store in mid-January and find aisles loaded with flower bouquets and chocolate boxes. No matter how early or late it is, this is a visual reminder of the day, or your perpetual singleness, or anything you affiliate with it, no matter how hard you try and tell yourself that it isn't. Even if you are in a relationship, it puts an unwanted weight on your shoulders, and you think: What should I get for my partner? Will the gift be too much or too little?

Let's compare Valentines Day to other celebrations, such as Christmas, or Birthdays. Obviously, these are all substantially different in many ways, but one thing persists: presents. Gifts have been the main way of displaying affection. Our ways of gift-giving has been sensationalized by the media, and constant stimulation of gift-giving in the media.

Of course, it is nice to be given a gift, but there are other ways of displaying affection as opposed to gift-giving, which I think is not emphasized enough in our culture. For example, taking someone to do an activity instead of giving them a materialistic gift. Giving someone you care about the gift of an amazing memory with you. Or, displaying our feelings for each other in our daily lives in the little smiles and jokes with them.

If everyone expresses love and appreciation for people they care about in their lives every day, Valentine's day will no longer be the only day you express love, but an added bonus.

For me, I expressed my thorough love for chocolate and gal pals, and couldn't be happier.

Cover Image Credit: Original Photo

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Why I Am Taking Lent Seriously This Year

I epically failed last year, but this year I will do better.
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So February is here before I even knew it, which means my favorite month of the year is here! As many of you know, Valentine's Day is February 14th but so is Ash Wednesday, marking the start of Lent. Last year, I was less than careful when it came to Lent and ended up giving up halfway through. I started Lent on a bad note last year when I decided that I was too busy to go to church for Ash Wednesday. The streak continued as I was terrible at not eating meat and fasting on Fridays and gave up quickly on my decision to give up soda. This year I'm deciding to do better; I need to do better this year. So this is how I'm going to take Lent seriously this year.

Lent was always a time that I dreaded as a kid. I hated the idea of having to give something that I enjoyed up, but now that I've gotten older I recognize the importance of Lent. I went to Catholic school for 12 years, and they ingrained into us the fact that Lent is supposed to mirror Jesus' sacrifice spending 40 days in the desert, but I honestly think that it is more than that. I definitely think that last year being my first year being away from the hold of Catholic school, I rebelled a little bit with my new found freedom of not being forced to participate in Lent. I didn't handle it in the right way, and so this year, I am seeing Lent as an opportunity for growth and to challenge my self-control a little. I am thinking about challenging myself and going vegetarian for Lent to try to better my health as well as trying to do more acts of service and to build upon my New Year's Resolution of positivity.

So this year I am definitely going to take Lent seriously to further and strengthen my faith. I know that I will probably stumble and make mistakes throughout, but I am confident that it will be a beneficial experience.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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