Is Love Or Respect More Important In A Relationship

Is Love Or Respect More Important In A Relationship

What is the key to a good relationship?
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Respect was invented to cover the empty place where love should be. Leo Tolstoy.


Relationships are one of the sweetest things and beautiful gifts nature/God has bestowed upon us. It's meant to be enjoyed and if there are challenges which are meant to be surmounted, but most times, this beautiful gift that is meant to be enjoyed ends up being a source of pain. Love can be crazy when it's not meant to be. Emotions can become wild when all we ever needed to be at that particular time is sane. You hear people say, I love him! Oh! I love her! I just can't help certain things. Some times ladies would say, I'm just cool with anything you know, so far, he keeps loving me, we all have excesses you know, and I love him. And when you look at the issues that warrants these statements, it all boils down to the tussle of Love and Respect.

Sometimes we get carried away by our emotions that we think love is all we need. At times, when we are not carried away, we are displacing Respect to cover Love. I've gotten my heart broken and I've learnt to rise, not forgetting where the balance lies between Love and Respect.

Love is a feeling of strong and constant affection for a person, and in this context, it's all about romantic love. Respect on the other hand, is a feeling of understanding or admiration that something or someone should be treated in an appropriate way. In a relationship, respect may even be more crucial than love. And often times, you can't really separate love from respect because as far as I am concerned, love is respect. How can you not respect someone you claim to love?

So, when you love someone, you respect them, their feelings, privacy, boundaries, decisions, food choices, mode of dressing etc. It is only when you respect your partner that it becomes easy for him/her to do same to you because often times, trust is part of respect. Therefore, your partner might wanna change/sacrifice a little bit or some things for you if he or she sees how much you value them.

Are there any boundaries between Love and Respect?

Well, love isn't all we need. We all need respect, in that, love itself can be egocentric. Love without respect is dangerous and it can literally crush the other person. See, people can love each other and still abuse each other and then, a Believer like me would say, he never really loved her. . . Don't be with a man or a woman because they say I love you all the time, buys you stuff yet insults you in front of your friends and theirs, your family or even lampoons your imperfections. I've heard people say stuff like why do you always chew like a goat? Stop allowing yourself to be abused because sometimes, it's love that makes abuse feel okay. You walk in on your partner sleeping with another lady/man, he probably didn't stop even though he/she saw you and they keep asking you why you stayed and you say, I just love him/her. . .

Love brings bliss to relationships if only tempered with respect. It's not only love that spurs you to warm your partner's bed, cook and clean but it's the awareness that you're doing all of these for someone that loves and respects you. You cannot want one and not want the other. It can make you comfortable for a while or you can tell yourself you are comfortable but the feeling is never going to last.

Finally, to respect is to understand that the other person is not you, not an extension of you, not a reflection, not your toy, pet or product. It's only when you genuinely respect the individuality of the other person that we can truly love them.

Love is watery without respect.

Cover Image Credit: So Feminine

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13 Summer Struggles Only Thick Girls Understand

Chaffing. So much chaffing.
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Summer is a lovely time. A time of cookouts, swimming and sunny weather. But if you're a " thick girl," summer sometimes brings more unpleasantries than it does for slimmer women. No matter how beautiful and confident you are in your body, it can bring some struggles.

1. The living hell that is shorts shopping

Step 1: Find the biggest size the store has.

Step 2: (If you can even get those on): Realize your stomach is being squeezed into the top, your butt is falling out of the back and your thighs are having the life squished out of them.

Step 3: Realize why winter isn't so bad.

2. And dealing with them even after finding a pair that "fits"

Nothing like taking a pair of shorts home you remember fitting you okay in the store and then walking for 45 seconds and pulling them out of your butt or crotch 17 times. Truly a magical experience.

3. And every bathing suit you try on shows more skin than you'd planned

Even the most conservative bathing suit turns into cleavage-city and a non-cheeky set of bottoms turns into a thong. I promise, older people glaring at me in my sexual bathing suit, I didn't mean for this to happen!

4. Chaffing. So much chaffing

No better feeling than 4 minutes into wearing short shorts realizing that your inner thighs are literally tearing themselves apart. Body Glide and baby powder are a thick girl's #1 necessity.

5. Loving rompers. Rompers not loving you.

Rompers are made with short and skinny girls in mind. Heaven forbid you're not short, and heaven forbid you're not skinny. Rompers are like a mystical article of clothing that, no matter what, always just barely doesn't fit.

6. Imagining wearing a sundress with a strapless bra and just laughing

Of course, not all thick girls are well-endowed in the boob department, but if you are, you understand how hilarious the thought of you wearing a strapless bra truly is.

7. And bralettes are a thing of fantasy

Once again, bralettes are designed for a very specific body type. One that I do not fall into.

8. Feeling like you need to constantly defend yourself for dressing like you want to

There are so many posts and tweets and just general ideals that people have that certain sized women can't wear certain clothing. You shouldn't feel the need to defend yourself for wearing a cute crop top or a bikini, but you will.

9. And always feeling looked at when you're rocking your swim suit

Yes, I see your judging eyes, and yes, they are making me feel like shit. It doesn't matter how confident you are in your body, people looking at you like you just killed somebody just because you're wearing something typically made for smaller women doesn't make you feel good.

10. Did I mention chaffing?

I just felt like something so horrible couldn't just be mentioned once.

11. Online shopping for cute summer outfits and then none of them fitting you correctly

There's always the dreaded "one size fits all" for plus-sized women. As if there's just one way to be plus-sized. No matter how much they promise online that it'll fit well, it won't.

12. Seeing tiny girls complaining about losing their "summer bodies"

So many tweets talking about choosing food over a summer body. So many profile pictures of traditionally skinny women. I'm not saying that thick girls are the only ones who can complain about their summer bodies, and thick girls do not have a monopoly one not feeling confident in their bodies. But it is hard to see those posts knowing that those women would be glorified in their swimwear while you'd be gawked at.

13. The "you go girl!" comments on your oh-so-brave bikini photos

Compliments are nice, and positive comments while wearing a bikini go a long way. But the dreaded "you go girl" comment just seems so condescending. Just treat me like anyone else you'd see wearing a bikini. I promise, I'd like to feel like that.

Cover Image Credit: Sara Petty

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10 Times I Love Returning Home To Suburbia Maryland

What are yours?
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During the summer I temporarily part ways with the concrete jungle of NYC and return to my home childhood home in Maryland for a few months. I miss the Big Apple dearly during this break, but there are a few little things I can only do in suburbia, that I don't have the ability to enjoy when I'm back the city.

1. Driving

There's something invigoration about driving your own car and not having to depend on the subway or an Uber to get around town.


2. Friends

I'm really blessed that I have so many good friends at home. I miss them all A LOT during the school year, so it's nice that I'm able to come back and pick up exactly where we left off.


3. My queen-sized bed

I think this one is self-explanatory.

4. Drivethru

This goes along with driving, but I LOVE being able to order a McFlurry and fries from the comfort of my own car.


5. Movies (with reclining seats)

The average movie ticket costs about $17 in New York, which gains you access to a packed theater with tiny seats. In Maryland, $12 gains you access to a movie theater with seats that recline to the point that you are laying almost horizontal, for an optimal viewing experience.


6. Nature

I'm not even the outdoor type, but it's so nice walking outside and seeing actual green grass and trees without having to ride the train half an hour to Central Park.


7. Wild Life

This might just be because I live near the woods, but I see all type of wild animals on the daily. Most of the time its deer, but I also sometimes get glimpses of bunnies, fox, squirrels, birds of all sorts and horses occasionally.


8. Baths

I don't trust dorm bathtubs so there's something about coming home to all my bath bombs and shower jellies to taking a nice relaxing bath.


9. Annoying my baby brother

Okay, well, he's, like, 14 now, but still messing with him (out of love) is one of the best things ever.


10. My parents

I wish I could go back in time and tell my high school self to spend more time with my parents because they're really amazing people and they're probably the biggest thing I miss when I'm at school.

Cover Image Credit: Tessa Dobrow

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