I know what you’re thinking. Why can’t a poem be about both love and also pooping? You idiot! Of course a poem can be about both! The act of pooping and the act of falling in love are not mutually exclusive! Don’t you feel stupid? Good! If you don’t feel like a damn idiot afterwards, did you really even read a poem?
I first wrote a poem ambiguously about poop in the folly of my youth about three years ago. I asked people to interpret it, because I’m the worst. The one person who responded said that they thought it was about “the futility of mankind.” Hah! What an idiot. Didn’t they feel stupid when we never spoke again?
In any case, here are four original poems. Each of them are about either love or poop, but can be easily interpreted as being about one, or both. You read them and decide which one you think they are about, and when you’re done, scroll to the end to find out! Also, get excited for two random, required pictures!
1.
Falling, falling
The Act itself,
scary
impending
but ultimately
harmless
It’s the hitting that damages
Hitting the water
Hitting
The End
2.
With You,
if I miss a single
Day, I feel sick
Without you,
the emptiness envelopes everything
3.
I sit
I wait.
Nothing.
I try
So hard.
Nothing.
I want
I need.
Nothing.
4.
The pressure builds inside, I need it now
Reveal yourself to me, I beg you, please
I know that we will reunite somehow
For you I will get down on both my knees
I gaze at you in mystery and awe
The moment you return, a happy bliss
I’m bound to you by some strange cosmic law
I have been waiting my whole life for this
Your fears they have no power in this place
The time has come; the moment has arrived
The powerful release, my saving grace
I breathe it in and boy am I surprised!
Awake, real’ty shoots just like a gun
The mess I’ve made, it cannot be undone
ANSWERS:
Poem 1.
Poop or Love?
Poop!
Poem 2.
Poop or Love?
Love!
Poem 3.
Poop or Love?
Love!
Poem 4.
Poop or Love?
Poop!
Yeah, that’s right! I wrote an entirely authentic Shakespearean sonnet about poop! It’s in iambic pentameter and everything! I just spent time doing that!
Here are two pictures!
