Seriously. Even more when you actually think about it.
Abandon please, this false notion of defining true love as this fairy tale story of two souls intertwining at love at first sight. In reality, that stage of, “I actually feel confident enough to talk to you,” is around the, “love at 23rd sight plus a few nights of social media creeping.” This regurgitating of Dinsey fantasies and bad rom-coms culture has got to stop. Not because these stories make for a box-office hit, but because they simply are not real. Truth is: finding love comes down to simple calculations and logic.
There are 7.1 billion people on the world. Imagine that number for awhile. That’s a 7 then “.” 1, followed by eight zeros. That’s huge! Some country's GDP does not produce that much profit, MAJORITY OF THE INHABITANTS OF EARTH DO NOT MAKE THAT MUCH MONEY COMBINED. Like .0000000000001 will see that amount in their lifetime.
Okay, so the average person knows about 600 people. This number includes family, close friends, acquaintances from places such as work, school, or your community, over a time period of about every 20 years.
SEE, LOOK HERE: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/19/science/the-average-american-knows-how-many-people.html?_r=0
Now there are various studies and polls over this topic and I know not all the numbers represent a true accuracy, but it’s THE POINT I’m trying to illustrate. That point is this: the idea of soul mates: two people truly meant for each other is a false concept from reality. Humans have a vast pool of “ideal mates” to choose from thanks to social media, more so than you realize, so why settle for less? Why settle for the “bottom shelf” when the “top shelf” is actually a lot more achievable than you think?
Let me hit you with some numbers now. If there are 7.1 billion people and your sexual orientation is preferring both genders equally, then that average of 600 people you know goes into 7.1 billion about 11.8 million times. So that means there are 11.8 million groups of 600 people you could potentially find a “mate.” Let's assume one person out of that 600 could be the “soul mate,” then 600 into 11.8 million is potentially 19,666, “soul mates.”
True Love<3~~~
Wait, what? You’re heterosexual now? Cool. That's about 3.5 billion (the latest research from a 2010 census claims there is about 50.4 percent / 49.6 percent male in the world population) Whatever— let's just say it's 3.5 billion. And 600 goes into 3.5 billion about 5.8 million times. Choosing one person out of each 5.8 million groups of 600 people is 9,666 potential, “true soul mate" matches.
Okay. This is getting confusing. Let’s take an even weaker example. You’ve seen the "Bachelor"/"Bachelorette" right? Duh, yeah… does the Pope grant blessing to trees in the woods while they fall and nobody is around? …or whatever the saying is.
GUESS WHAT?
The producers of that show conclude it only takes about 25 reality contestants to find your soul mate. Yes, American, “true love” is taking 25 random reality contestants and one single person to compete for the chance of, “everlasting love.” This is based on the general principle formulated out of the “average person knows 600 people,” that out of that 600, an average of 15-20 people are truly considered “close” and “trusted”. The producers obviously added in an extra five contestants to stretch the possibility of “true love.”
News flash: Pop culture says it’s a 1:25 ration of “randos” that you will find true love.
GET REAL. STOP NOW PLEASE. BARF.
Let’s say now, that you’re like me: a hopeless romantic thinking that “true love” involves some standards. What are my standards you ask? (but actually didn’t ask and this is a shameless plug to know if you might be a match) So your standards include wanting someone who identifies as completely independent, self-sufficient, capable of making “adult-like” decisions,” sees a relationship as “two equal parts,” while pushing each other to progress as individuals; always willing to respectfully challenge their partner mentality, physically, and emotionally; constantly optimistic and empathic; values “moments over money”; into the humanities and culture such as art, architecture,fashion, music, etc.; cares for the political climate and current issues such as global warming; recycles, likes yoga, running, gardening, and has travel experience; can cook delicious foods, can speak more than one language; loves reading and writing; loves nature; has a crazy love affair with sushi, pizza, whiskey, and Wes Anderson films; willingness to break out in dance and sing any Mac Demarco song on a whim; knows how to use a record player; likes pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, and long walks on the beach!! <3
Oh my, if this is YOU… message me NOW.
(Just kidding— this is what Tinder is for, right?)
That would be a story worth writing about: “couple finds true love through Tinder.”
Can’t wait to tell the grandkids...
So, you’re like me and have high standards. Great, you should. There are potentially 9,666 people I can choose from. You're 1 in 600 hundred 3.5 million times over. If you don’t fit my standards then there 9,665 people I can legitimately holla at. It’s like if I don't like any of one batch, then I move to the next group of 600 people. I CAN DO THIS 3.5 MILLION TIMES.
Love is really just being a kid in a candy store.
These numbers realllllllyyyy makes me question why did I ever get involved with those past relationships. SerrRRRIiiioUUSSLLYYYY: EX-WHO-I-DATED-BEFORE-FIGURING-OUT-MY-OWN-DATING-STANDARDS—AND-RELATIONSHIP-IDENTITY.
Yeah you know who I'm talking about…
Actually no, I don’t know who I am talking about. Truth is; while I have developed my “RIDICULOUS AND A LITTE OVER EXAGGERATED TRUE LOVE STANDARDS,” it took that 1 person out of the 600 “people on average I know” to discover those standards. Now I know what and what I don’t want from a relationship. Truthfully, my exes weren’t that bad. I would say the relationships were great for “the time those relationships happened.”
I give you this lovely quote to illustrate my point….
“For those that believe in a soul, it is very large, all-encompassing, constantly evolving, learning and invades every part of every atom of your being. To think that only one other person would complement each and every one of these criteria is ridiculous. The soul morphs from the time you are born and with each experience until you die. The partner that was my soulmate when I was 19 is not my soulmate now. Because I am a different person now.”
All in all, when it comes to relationships, take time to discover your “relationship identity.” Know what you want and don’t want from a partner. Set some standards for yourself and do not be afraid to make yourself vulnerable. It is possible to make positives out of healthy relationships; like growing as an individual, learning from mistakes, and discovering how to build a life with another person. Most valuable relationships can be good for the moment, but the person you are at 20 will probably be different than the person at 40. So if that, “everlasting true love” doesn't work out, don’t worry. Take the good from the bad and find another match within your group of 600, or move on to a different group…. 5.8 to 11.8 million times.
I would recommend starting with Tinder.
*Disclaimer: I’m an art major, math was never my forte.
Good luck with love <3
