I've been vulnerable, I've opened myself up, I've loved, and I've been loved. I've also been burned and since then, have successfully avoided heartbreak at all costs. I don't cut myself off from having relationships and deny every human that comes near me in order to do it, I just don't pursue ones that I know are no good for me and have no true potential. I'm careful with where I put my energy and who I give my heart to. I don't just give my time to anyone, because not everyone can give me what I need.
I have a strong desire to understand the heart and mind, and what happens when they join forces. I want to know why I do the things I do, why I feel the way I do, and what it is I'm actually feeling. I want to understand so that I can use my heart to the best of my ability, and also because I don't want to ruin something that could have been beautiful had I just let it be.
My emotions scare the hell out of me because I can be so sure of myself one minute and completely lost the next. I'm jumping off a balcony in full confidence, and then all of a sudden, my heart and head are being ambushed with fear, flipping upside down, and crashing into each other, and I'm free falling faster than the speed of light, because it's hard to love in fear. But it's easy when you have no idea it's happening.
I want to understand love more than anything else in the world because I want to do it fearlessly, and I want it to last. I want to give my entire being, every ounce of my soul, heart, and mind without any doubt or fear. I want to reveal every vein that pumps blood into my heart and to wear every open and closed wound on my skin. I want to be pushed when I can't move and held when I can't breathe. I want to live in the heart of someone that gives me what I need before I know I need it. I don't want a perfect love or a fairytale—love like that wouldn't survive in this world. I want an understood love, a selfless love, a true love, a fearless love. I want a fearless love because the fearless fight to stay alive. The fearless survive.
Fearless love doesn't come easy, so it won't go easy either. Fearless love is a process, and is built over time with patience and nurtured in trust. Fearless love always finds a reason to pursue. Fearless love is constant, sincere, and unwavering, and it pounds on the door until it opens, and is unafraid of what it might find. It wants to hear your nightmares in detail and be exposed to the insanity behind your wildest dreams. It will feed fire to your soul and add fuel to the one you share. It is felt near and far, and offers the deepest, most passionate kind of love and endless support. It refuses to give up on you. It loves even when it hates, and knows how to dance with your beaten soul in the dark. It will make love to every single flaw in the most obscure roots of your character, and have no desire to ever change them.
This is the kind of love I want. It is deep, reliable, warm, and understanding. It is patient, genuine, kind, and strong. It lives in reality, it does not ask for, nor does it want perfect. It wants real. It is unafraid of change or challenge. It is brave, it is true, it is fearless.
So, love me fearlessly. Do it so that I can love you back the same. Love me fearlessly, and I'll love you relentlessly. Love me, love who I am—not who you want me to be. And do it as fearlessly as you possibly can, because once I learn how to, I swear I will do it no other way.
