A Love Letter To Leaving

Dear Leaving,

I have seen you many times, always going, and for a long time it seemed you were the only constant in my life. I could never count on the people who walked in the door but I could always count on the fact that I would inevitably, one day, see them walk out. I know we haven't spoken in a while, Leaving, because as you know, for a long time, I hated you. I fought you harder ever time, only to see soon that it was a losing battle. It was as if you took hold of every person to come in my life, like a possession that kept switching hosts, leaving me to fend for myself, a family of me. Eventually people stopped coming in, and I felt better because at least it was me keeping them away instead of you taking them.

In this time, Leaving, I have grow, and now, I do not hate you. After many years of this strange solitude, I have come to realize that it was not only you that kept them away, but it was also you that kept me going. The dream, the hope, and the wish that I would someday be the leaver and not the left. The time is coming now where the dream I have had in my head is just over the horizon, and let me tell you, Leaving, tomorrow finally looks beautiful. It is a sunrise to put the rest all the terrible night times, the darker years that have created the darker side of me. In this sunrise, I can see in the light of day why you took all these people away. You were not tying their absence around my ankle like a weight of all the people who didn't love me, rather you were cutting all my ties to here so I could one day fly away.

You have brought me this far, Leaving, and nothing can ever hold me back again. I know that I will go to the ends of the earth to find people who do not have to leave, who will give to me what I give to them. I feel safe now, knowing I can wake up every morning with myself and be okay. I will always be grateful for the people who could not stay.

But also, with the freedom you are handing me, there are those few I wish I did not have to leave behind. I realize now that sometimes the leaver feels the same pain as the left. On a plane someday, I hope I have it in me to never look back, but if I do, it will be for them. And it will be with a smile, I hope. Please let them know, Leaving, that I am not walking out the door like so many before did to us. Let them know you are taking me somewhere great, and that I will be back someday, hopeful as the person who can love them the way they deserve.

You know, Leaving, it has been said that parting is such sweet sorrow, but there really is no parting if you're in love with tomorrow. I see that now, and I thank you.

Yours Truly, Gone.