I read the other day, in some book I was skimming through, that just because you are sharing yourself with another person, it doesn't mean you should lose your individuality. That has been resonating with me.

A couple weeks ago, I was feeling lost. I talked about that experience in an article of mine. I felt as if I didn't have a direction or a care in the world. It didn't make much sense to me as to why I was feeling so numb and restless, as I've always had a sense of direction as to where I was going.

My long-term goals were everything to me. Being grounded and determined was something I owned, something I was sure of. Although the goal might've been big and blurry, I knew the path I needed to take to make my dreams a reality.

Or, I thought I knew.

I've always had a history of fearing the future until recently. I was so focused on thinking rather than actually doing. I always thought of myself as focused, sometimes too restrictive.

However, I have always looked for answers in other people. Whenever I was asked for my opinion, I couldn't properly formulate my own. I guess I thought that if I were to express my beliefs, others would look down on me.

Whenever I would state what I would think, I immediately would get bashed or I would just agree with an opposing statement just so that I didn't have to argue further. When it comes down to having a voice, that is where I lack.

I've always had this dream of becoming a director, giving guidance to others. But recently, I kept going through self-doubt. How am I going to direct others if I can't even speak up? I've always been a part of the background, never in the spotlight, and I think I've gotten so comfortable with it that I've lost sight of stepping into a leadership position.

The guy that I'm seeing, and someone that I've mentioned in a previous article, brought this concept to the surface, and I'm now realizing these things that I've buried and didn't want to face. But because I've been self-reflecting so much, I can't help but find that I still have so much to learn about myself.

I thought I had myself figured out, but it took someone else to tell me that there's so much more to me than what they see. We were talking about being on a film set and that they've noticed I let others handle the spotlight while I sit back and watch, afraid to speak up. That really opened up my eyes that I do those things out of fear.

I've realized that even though I may say that I am independent, I tend to attach myself to others incidentally. By that, I mean I search for guidance from others instead of creating my own path, instead of coming up with my own answers.

I think that's why I've avoided getting to know someone for a while because I knew deep down inside that I had some work to do on myself. I needed all of my focus to be on my self-growth, not on someone else. I knew, from my past experiences with relationships, that my energy becomes directed at them. I let myself get lost in them, get comforted by them.

My dreams get hazier and altered whenever I'm involved with someone else, and I did not want that to happen. I never wanted to give someone that power of controlling me. I want to remain in control of myself at all times.

I never understood why some couples would say things like "they're my other half" when referring to their significant other. To me, each person in a relationship is a whole. A whole person with layers, depth, a story. People don't complete each other; they just help them figure themselves out. I knew that I needed to put this into practice.

The conversation that I had with that special someone not that long ago stood on my mind. I basically told him that he filled a couple empty holes in me that I didn't know existed. Wisely, he said, "I helped YOU to fill them." As corny as it sounds, it left me thinking.

I never would've thought that someone else could give me a push to work on myself, to maintain my individuality without losing myself in this amazing experience of sharing myself with someone else. He inspires me to want to experience life to its very essence, emotionally vulnerable and all, while not questioning things too much.

I think that's the thing a lot of people struggle with. Whenever there is something that they can't control, they go crazy trying to figure out ways to steer the ship instead of just letting the Universe take you along for the ride.

That is why I was lost a couple weeks ago. I felt myself creating my home in someone else when all this time, I thought I was fine living at home within myself. I was becoming fearful of losing my sense of self that I built up all these years.

I'm restructuring the track that I was derailed from. I'm still learning, but this time, it's healthier. My voice is much more alive. Breathing and all. He is giving me that space, and I couldn't be happier.