I was raised in a Catholic family, but never attended a Catholic school until I went to college. I use to volunteer at church all the time starting from my 7th grade year as a TA for the Catholic classes that were held at my church in California. But the start of me believing wasn’t until my sophomore year.
I got confirmed my freshman year. It wasn't the start until my sophomore year when I started lecturing for masses, I became an EM, etc. Junior year continued, we got a new youth minister, and I felt like my faith was getting a bit stronger. I got even more involved by becoming a leader for our retreats, and then continued working in the church. Senior year was the fall of my faith. I became stressed with academics and college applications took over my life. The pressure I received for attending a good college; I didn’t know what became of me. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I lost myself. I got less involved with the church, and I became more distant from my faith.
Senior year ended, and my decision for my university happened to be a Jesuit Catholic university located in Colorado. Let me tell you, a girl from California living in Colorado for the next four years was something I did not think about weather wise. I was not expecting the blizzard chaos called snow. That’s something I definitely did not think about when I made the decision of wanting to be there for the next few years of my life. Completely irrelevant though, but I moved to Colorado thinking that the school could help me find my faith again. It took a while, but I ended up with nothing. I stopped attending church, I stopped getting involved, I stopped everything. Two years later to me becoming a junior (current), I started getting close to one of my seniors in school. She and I met my freshman year, but we weren’t as close as we are now, but we were good friends. Junior year came, and as we were running errands, she had found out that I was Catholic. She then asked me if I wanted to come with her to attend to a church group that she was in. I was a bit afraid because I wasn’t quite sure as to what I would feel. But she told me, “why not? Give it a try.” And so I did…which in the end was the best decision I made.
My first meeting was originally not through the church but through a bake sale I helped at. I met a few of our friends and I made some new ones. Two weeks later, I attended my first meeting. We went on an adventure to go to one of the churches located in Colorado called Mother Caprini. If you’re in Colorado and want to go visit the church, it’s worth it, but make sure you wear tennis shoes. You’ll be walking A LOT, and I learned that the hard way after walking up 200 something stairs with my heeled booties. My friend had only told me what Mother Caprini was, but never informed me WHAT Mother Caprini was. To this day, I still use it against her when she forgets to give me important information.
The week afterwards, I got to meet a few more people. And the week after that, members were huddled into their already made groups. I wasn’t thinking of attending nor was I really sure if I wanted to. I was still placed into a group for it, but still wasn’t in the correct mindset for it. I still had some issues of wanting to go, but in the end, I booked my flight in the midst of planning and would be heading home the Sunday we came back. And moving to the week of retreat, I was still unsure.
Friday night, I’m worried that I wasn’t going to enjoy myself. I’m worried I’d do something wrong and humiliate myself. The fear of humiliation and judgement that I was so use to because of my past had surrounded my heart. But after the retreat, there was no surroundings.
I wasn't expecting for anyone to understand what I was going through, but in reality, there were a lot. I got to become close with everyone and open my heart to a lot. And from there, I realized that I finally found it. Not only was it my faith that I found, but I found the people I needed to be with for my faith to continue. I know I only have one more year with them, but even so, I didn’t realize how much I needed them in my life. I didn’t know how much happier I am with them in my life. I didn’t know how much they could relate to me. I thought I was fighting everything by myself, but I learned that I’m not the only one. I found the new family to motivate me in doing well, and I found that they were the people I can see myself doing anything with. They’re the ones who helped me rekindle with my faith and let me remember who I am, not for what I do, not for who I know, but for who I am. For the weird laughs I have, the outrageous random moments I have, and most of all, for the personality I have. I’m loved for me.
So for the people who I got to spend my first week of winter break with; thank you. Thank you for being the family I found, thank you for understanding me, thank you for being a family I love, thank you for being the people I wanted to enjoy every moment I can with. Thank you for being my support, thank you for being the ones I can go to no matter what, and thank you for being my motivators. Thank you for everything.
