My Phone Stopped Working And Now I Feel Lost

My Phone Stopped Working And Now I Feel Lost

Never have I felt so out of place.

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I always think to myself what did I do before I had my phone. How did I entertain myself or what did I do? Well on Tuesday I found out when my phone stopped working. While I was internally freaking out I realized this was a time that I could spend doing other things. Then five minutes later I threw my phone on the passenger's seat in my car for not working. I knew that the next day I would have to take it to my carrier store to have it reset but I thought of a similar experience three years ago. When school started my phone would not work and I had to walk around campus without listening to music or seeing what was going on in my friends' lives.

I had to notice what was around me but it also opened my eyes to how much I use my phone. Fast forward to today when walking back to my car both me and my fraternity brother spent the entire time without phones just talking and later that night when I was with my friends I was not as concerned about what they were doing on their phones and just enjoying their company. I realize now that it is ok to go one day without your phone even if you lose all your Snapchat streaks.

Growing up at my camp we would always have to give our phones up at the beginning of the summer. The goal of this was to open our eyes to our surroundings and focus on our friendships rather than the screens we see every day. As I went on to become a counselor and division head more campers got smartphones and apps and people were more scared of losing something they had made with their phones. I had campers who told me they would give their usernames on Snapchat to their friends to keep their streaks. While I am proud of my streaks I am not that concerned with them like my campers. Yes, it does stink that my phone stopped working and I can't listen to music on my walk back to my apartment but it allows me to just have time to myself.

It is interesting to think how much I use my phone in a daily routine. After finishing homework I would watch Netflix on my phone before going to bed but now I know that is not possible and I feel a void. I have never had a problem talking to people without my phone but I have had problems talking to people while they are more interested in their phone. Yes, it does stink that I can not tell my friends to come to meet me somewhere or that I have to carry my laptop around and hope for wi-fi (I did that sophomore year but that's another story) but losing my phone has taught me not to be so dependent on materials.

After a long day of not having a phone, I bought the cheapest smartphone I could find to help me out for the time being. It is terrible but I can do what I need to do on their except call my parents so let's see how long this lasts.

In the months between seeing my brothers, they have noticed a change in me. While I used to be on my phone a lot now I try not to use it as much or only at certain times. There are times I feel dependent on my phone but I do not want that to be the case. Technology should not define me but rather I should define myself.

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I Ghosted My Old Self For 5 Months In An Effort To Reevaluate My Life

My life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

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BREAKING (not fake) NEWS: It's true, you have to hit your lowest before hitting your highest.

I want to share my lowest with you, and I'm almost ashamed to say it had nothing to do with the loss of both of my parents. I like to think I handled that like a warrior.

Turns out I didn't, and the hurt I've been burying from that hit me all at once, the same moment my life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

My life flipped upside down overnight back in August. I had my heart broken shattered, lost two very important friendships that I thought were with me until the end, lost my 9-5 job, my health took a hit stronger than a boulder, and I was absolutely lost. For the first time, ever, I let go of the reigns on my own life. I had no idea how to handle myself, how to make anyone around me happy, how to get out of bed or how to even begin the process of trying to process what the f*ck just happened. I was terrified.

Coming from the girl who never encountered a dilemma she couldn't fix instantaneously, on her own, with no emotional burden. I was checked out from making my life better. So I didn't try. I didn't even think about thinking about trying.

The only relatively understandable way I could think to deal with anything was to not deal with anything. And that's exactly what I did. And it was f*cking amazing.

I went into hiding for a week, then went on a week getaway with my family, regained that feeling of being loved unconditionally, and realized that's all I need. They are all I need. Friends? Nah. Family. Only. Always.

On that vacation, I got a call from the school district that they wanted me in for an interview the day I come home. It was for a position that entailed every single class, combined, that I took in my college career. It was a career that I had just gotten my degree for three months before.

I came home and saw my doctor and got a health plan in order. I was immediately thrown into the month-long hiring process for work. I made it a point to make sunset every single night, alone, to make sure I was mentally caught up and in-check at the same exact speed that my life was turning. I was not about to lose my control again. Not ever.

Since August, I have spent more time with family than ever. I've read over 10 new books, I've discovered so much new music, I went on some of my best, the worst and funniest first dates, I made true, loyal friends that cause me zero stress while completely drowning me in overwhelming amounts of love and support, I got back into yoga, and I started that job and damn near fell more in love with it than I ever was for the guy I lost over the summer.

But most importantly, I changed my mindset. I promised myself to not say a single sentence that has a negative tone to it. I promised myself to think three times before engaging in any type of personal conversation. I promised myself to wake up in a good mood every damn day because I'm alive and that is the only factor I should need to be happy.

Take it from a girl who knew her words were weapons and used them frequently before deciding to turn every aspect of her life into positivity — even in the midst of losing one of my closest family members. I have been told multiple times, by people so dear to me that I'm "glowing." You know what I said back? F*ck yes I am, and I deserve to.

I am so happy with myself and it has nothing to do with the things around me. It's so much deeper than that, and I'm beaming with pride. Of myself. For myself.

I want to leave you with these thoughts that those people who have hurt me, left me, and loved me through these last couple of months have taught me

Growth is sometimes a lonely process.
Some things go too deep to ever be forgotten.
You need to give yourself the permission to be happy right now.
You outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and you're not the one to blame for that. You're growing.
Sometimes it takes your break down to reach your breakthrough.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

My god, it's so f*cking good.

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Ditch The Device and Live In The Moment

A reminder to everyone that we all should be present.

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Take a look at this picture. What's unique about it?

Image collected from E News Online, 2015

When I came across this image on the internet, I took a minute to truly analyze it. You'll notice an indifferent elder living in the moment as she's surrounded by everyone else capturing the moment with their phone. She'd be classified as a trendsetter in our society today. I wish more people would follow her lead.

Sometimes I believe I was born in the wrong generation, and I was the only one who felt like phones are being overused. However, the more friends I've met in college, the more I realize I'm not alone in wishing there wasn't an excessive amount of technology like there is currently. It makes me wonder why people don't take more strides to minimize how much time we're dedicating to our devices. It also makes me wonder why I am not making more of an effort to put down my phone. I've come to understand that our phones can be an addiction: getting likes on Instagram is an addiction, scrolling through Twitter is an addiction, texting your boo back every day is also an addiction.

My belief is that technology isn't going to slow down anytime soon and the fair majority of the population rely on the constant use of their phones. However, I hope more people, like me, make a greater effort to be present at the moment. I know our phones have become a necessity for several uses like staying in contact with our family and snapping a photo of memorable events in our lives...But when "capturing the moment" becomes more important than "living the moment", then my hope is we can all strive to be more like that trendsetting elder.

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