It was a typical Friday afternoon and I was walking back to my townhouse from my 3:30 class. When I was checking my notifications on my phone, I noticed that my mom texted me to see if I was free to talk. I told her that I was very busy that day because I had rehearsal at 5:30, another rehearsal at 6:30, and a club meeting at 9:00. But she still called me anyway, three times in a row...I texted her to ask her what this emergency was about and she left me on read. So I kept texting her that I was walking back to my townhouse and that I will call her back as soon as I get to my room.
As soon as I dialed my mom's number, my dad answered and he said: "Caroline...it's me." I replied with a snarky, sarcastic comment: "You're not Mom...." Then Mom replied to Dad's comment by saying: "Where are you right now?" I replied that I was in my dorm room. "We have something to tell you...We do not want you to hear this news...We have decided to put Lucky down...."
There it was.
Those seven words.
Those seven words that tore me apart.
Those seven words that broke my heart into a billion pieces.
Lucky has been struggling both mentally and physically for many years (he gets very confused about where things are in the house or where he is, and he also has arthritis in his legs so he could not walk very well). I honestly thought that he had more time.
This was when I just broke down into a flood of tears as my roommate and her boyfriend stood right by side to try and comfort me. As I was rocking back and forth on my bed, I have suddenly realized that a huge part of me is gone.
McNuggets, a large chocolate milkshake with extra whipped cream, the biggest burger that Five Guys Burgers and Fries had with as many toppings as possible, all tried to help me that day but nothing could.
My mom then asked me if I wanted to go home for the weekend to say goodbye to Lucky. Without any hesitation, I said, "Yes, yes, of course I will." I literally dropped all of my plans that I had for that day as I started to pack my things for my train on Saturday morning. I took an early train instead of having my parents come and pick me up because I wanted to spend as much time with Lucky as possible.
I feel nothing whenever I am watching one episode of "Friends" to try and cheer me up. I feel nothing when I'm eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I feel nothing when my friends show me some funny memes. I feel nothing whenever someone cracks a funny joke or two in class.
Some people would often look at Lucky and tell me that he is just a dog. That I should get over his death pretty quickly because it is not the same as a human death, right? Well, that is wrong. Those people do not realize how much of an impact a dog can have on your life. Those people do not realize that my family is not complete without Lucky in it.
He has such a big heart; he can easily tell whenever I'm sick or having a bad day, he was always there for me whenever I needed a warm fuzzy blanket to cuddle with, he was and always will be my guardian. Overall, he kept me safe from any harm. Yes, at times he would growl at people such as my parents or my brother Harry whenever they entered my room, but he loved me with all his heart and as did I. At times, Lucky came off as aggressive and people would think that he is a monster because of that and it is not true. He just loves and protects the people who he really cares about and he was also always a cranky old man. But he did have such a big heart and he never left my sight until I was happy.
Saying goodbye to him was one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do in my life. Even though right now I still feel as miserable and depressed, I know that I will get better over time. Putting down our third dog does not get any easier, but my family and I are going to get through this together.
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