In early February, my boyfriend and I went to a local feline shelter in the hopes of finding a kitten to bring home with us. As we were walking around and meeting all the cats in the shelter, we came across one that stuck out like no other had. She was tiny and orange, sitting at the front of her cage and reaching her paws out as far as she could towards us. We stopped, said 'Hi' and pet her, and she responded right back with the loudest meows I have ever heard from a cat so small. She wouldn't quiet down or let us go, she knew we were the ones meant to take her home and we couldn't stand the thought of leaving without her, she was absolutely perfect. We adopted her that day but she had to stay for another two weeks so she could get spayed, and she was also entered into a cat show the show the shelter was attending. After waiting two weeks that felt like forever we finally took Gemma home.

Gemma became my absolute best friend. She loved to play with anything and everything, from a shoe string to toes under a blanket. She would sit next to the front door every night, waiting for me to come home from work, immediately 'screaming' at me when I walked through the door until I sat down and let her nuzzle me, which always ended up with a ton of her drool on my shirt, but I never once cared. Not to mention I became so attached to her I couldn't fall asleep unless she was in my bed. Suddenly one day Gemma became very clearly ill. She was still only a kitten, nearly a year old, but she barely had energy to move. I rushed her to the vet and she had to stay overnight to run tests. The next morning I got a phone call from the veterinarian and was given horrible news. Gemma had an incurable disease called FIP and the best thing we could do for her was to put her down.

I couldn't believe what I had heard, I had to choose when to let my best friend go. As I was trying to grasp this concept, my first instinct was to read about euthanizing your pet, and of course I couldn't find much on how to make the decision or how to cope with it. I had to go through this awful experience that was so new to me with no knowledge of what to expect or how to decide what to do for her. It completely broke my heart to see the pain she was in when she got home, she was worse than she had been before the vet visit. Looking at my poor kitten and seeing the pain in her eyes made me see that I had to do this for her no matter how upset I would be without her.

Some people can somehow easily brush off losing a pet, whether it be their own or when a loved one is grieving over a loss. Though losing a pet is much different than losing a human life it still hurts tremendously. It's so simple to see that a pet loves you unconditionally, and when you love them just the same it's hard to let them go, even if it's the right thing to do. After all was said and done I realized that absolutely no amount of literature I could have read would have prepared me for what I felt in the days to come. It was hard to lose her, and is still difficult to walk through the house without hearing her right behind me, but being able to find peace in knowing she's not suffering anymore makes everything else feel a little bit better. Anyone who goes through this experience will, of course, experience and feel it differently, but I think that is one of the most important thing to remember when losing a pet, and sometimes even a loved one for that matter. They're not in unbearable pain anymore, and they will never have to be again, and somewhere in that thought is comfort.