Throughout the course of this semester, my art professor assigned a number of weird assignments. Through all the assigned tasks given, I’ve been assigned with a very peculiar task. I was told to read an segment from a book and do exactly what it was about. Upon reading the segment called, “How to Look at Nothing” by James Elkins, I was tasked with staying in a pitch black room for 30 minutes and reflect upon my experience. At first, I’ve assumed that a task such as this would be fairly easy and that I would have no impact or significant change in thinking. I was wrong. Through this exercise I’ve been able to get in contact with myself, have a man vs. self conflict, and be able to reflect on the nature of my mind and darkness.

At first, I’ve expected to have a boring time just sitting in darkness and staring off into nothing. I’ve even imagined the thought and pain I’d probably go through going back into any form of light. However, my ideas changed once I’ve started conducting the experiment. I’ve decided to do this task in the comfort of my room. Reason being is that my walls are painted a mix between a rose-red and a light burgundy color(I know it’s weird but I like the aesthetic), and my curtains are a dark grey color. Usually I’d sleep with the curtains closing the windows and I’d have a small night light type of light on so I could be able to see in the night, or in case I get an eerie feeling as I sleep and would like to look around the minute I wake up. But, as mentioned I still have dark curtains that conceal light so I retain some darkness to fall sleep a lot faster (jokes on me because I’m an night owl). So, I turned off the small light and timed myself for 30 minutes as I sat on my bed and stared into the darkness.

Going through the first few minutes was alright as I thought of this as child’s play. At first I would test the darkness of the room by doing things I used to do as a child when I used to wake up in the middle of the night or try to get myself to sleep such as looking at my hands. The weirdo in me would stare at how dark my hands were and pretend it was a monster and pretend to fight club myself or pretend that my hand was trying to “get me.” But, I’m an adult now so of course I wouldn’t perform that same behavior. Just kidding, I’m still a child at heart and I tried doing the same thing. However, this time it was a bit different than when I used to play as a child, everything was “too dark.” I couldn’t see anything at all, and I’ve realized how much my eyes could retain and I had to take a feel around with my senses to know where everything was in my seated position.

Going further through the time, I’ve noticed something about myself that Elkins stated in his experience as well.

“For me, it is a slow creeping claustrophobia and an anxiety about what I’m seeing—or even if I am seeing” (page 240, Elkins).

I’ve noticed that my mind started to play tricks on me, or as if I was going into a weird sense of being. Almost as if the sense of ambiguity trying to play tricks on me, creating a placebo effect and making me assume something is there. I began to hear things, and feel the sense of a foreign touch, and almost imagine nothing lurking within nothingness. As if something were to grab a hold of me, but I wouldn’t know nor be able to see it. In response to this feeling, I began to lay down in my spot and look towards the direction I assumed was the ceiling, and just tried to look and stare into nothingness.

My mind didn’t like the thought of nothing, so for an odd reason I started thinking of music and having random songs play into my mind like a playlist on shuffle. This was starting to irritate me since I was trying to focus on the task at hand and survive 30 minutes in the darkness. I’ve noticed that since I’ve been seeing darkness for all this time so far, my eyes were starting to get a bit tired and I was slowly closing my eyes. I realized this sensation and tried to refreshen myself by trying to have a conversation with myself (yeah, like a crazy person). This activity got me to rationalize and calm my nerves and sit through the darkness and admire the idea of creativity. One may ask, “how do you get creativity from darkness?” and from my interpretation, it’s the ideas or anxieties that roam your mind that sparks creativity. The feelings while in darkness is what you’re supposed to come out with as your outlook on nothingness. Your resolve from it is meant to stir you into the motion of creativity.

Once the 30 minutes were over, I felt instant relief. Of course my eyes hurt from the first sight of light for a second, and I looked like a vampire but it was worth it. Overall, from this experiment, I’ve gotten to learn more about myself and what my mind is capable of. This experiment helped shape my ideas of lights and shadow and even shaped my ideals toward nothingness and art as a whole. I appreciate the exercise and would love to see how others look at nothing as well.