I have very fond and vivid memories of being a little girl, probably around five or six. Memories of my mom and sometimes my aunt, my mom’s older sister who I basically saw as a grandmother, sitting me in front of a mirror and brushing my hair. However, what I mainly remember, and what has stuck with me throughout the years, is that when they would brush my hair, they would tell me to look in the mirror. “Look in the mirror, look at how beautiful you are,” they would always say. “Look at your smile,” and, “Look at those pretty brown eyes,” they would say as they made me look in the mirror. “Look at that sweet, nice girl,” would be another thing they would always point out. It’s a small thing, a small seed that they were planting, and it stuck.

Of course, when I was that little, I had no idea what they were instilling in me. I didn’t realize the confidence and the self-esteem that they were building inside of me. At that age, I was just waiting for them to finish brushing my hair so I could go back to playing outside. At that age, I didn’t know what confidence and self-esteem really were. I didn’t know about all of the beauty stereotypes and boxes I would be trying to check off within the next 10 years in order to fit the idea of what “pretty” is. They knew what I was too young to know; they knew that being a girl and woman isn’t easy. They knew that being a girl, you come down hard on yourself more often than not. They knew that woman and girls were held up to an unreasonable standard of what society believes beautiful to be. They wanted to make sure that I knew I was beautiful just the way I was.

Now, being 20 years old, I get it. I get that young girls and women look in the mirror, and instead of telling ourselves that we're beautiful, we look and we critique. We look at our skin, our pores, the pimples we may have. We look at our body and grab the skin on our belly or arms and we frown. We look at our body, our hair, our face and we put a microscope on it. Some more than others, of course, but I can assure you even the most confident girl has had moments where she looks in the mirror and has critiqued what she has or feel like she doesn't have. We focus on the little things, instead of the big things, like our smile and our eyes. We forget that we are beautiful. And sometimes that seed that my mother and aunt planted in me all those years ago withers away a bit, and almost dies. I know, however, that I have to look in the mirror and I have to tell myself that I’m beautiful. Now I have to nourish the seed that was planted; now, I have to be the one to look in the mirror and force myself to say, “Look at how beautiful you are,” even when I may not feel that way.

Now I know it’s impossible to expect someone to never focus on what they may feel are their flaws. However, I hope you focus on what’s beautiful about you on both the inside and outside more than what you believe to be not so beautiful. So to all girls who may focus too much on the outward appearance of themselves, to the girls who maybe didn’t have someone brush their hair in front of a mirror, and to the girls who may forget: Look in the mirror, and look at that smile of yours. Look at your pretty eyes. Look, and I mean really look, at how beautiful you are. Now don’t forget it. Don’t forget to tell yourself this every so often. Remember when you grow up and have a daughter of your own to sit her in front of a mirror, brush her hair, and tell her just how beautiful she is.