5 Ways To Make Sure Your Long Distance Relationship Doesn't Suck

5 Ways To Make Sure Your Long Distance Relationship Doesn't Suck

Finding joy and growth within your solo life is essential for a positive long relationship.

Hear me out, long distance relationships can suck. But they don't have to.

I understand the aches you feel when you are missing your person. And the pangs of jealousy you get when you see another happy couple actually talking in person. And let's not forget about the fun shrinking act of "we only have twenty minutes to talk about our entire day" that comes with long distance communication.

But I refuse to pause my life, wallow in misery and Ben & Jerry's, just because my boyfriend and I are loving each other afar. My life must continue. His life must continue. My motto for long distance (please excuse the upcoming cliché) is to thrive, not just survive (boom).

Humans have a natural inclination to link up, sync hearts, and pair off. It is innately in our genetic makeup to deeply feel and need our partner. We have an evolutionary urge to be together in union and partnership.

Therefore, long distance relationships are not something we would find ourselves gleeful-running-around-skipping-through-flower-fields-shouting; "I'm thriving! I haven't seen my partner in four months, but I'm thriving!" But your life should still continue in a joyous and full way, it is totally possible and you should settle for nothing less. Here are five ways to make sure your long distance relationship doesn't suck.

1. You have to get through the initial mourning period.

When you first leave your partner (this includes anytime after you visit each other), you have to sit it the emotions and feels. Don't try to change your feelings and force yourself to be happy. Miss them, cry, feel sorry for yourself, and get it out of your system. Wallow, really, you need this time. It's important for you to acknowledge these feelings without trying to change them in the beginning in order for you to move on. Repressing these feelings will just prolong the aches and pangs of missing them.

2. Develop a plan of communication and follow it, but also allow for fluidity.

Communication is key to a successful long distance relationship. It is all you have during this time, therefore if your communication is poor then your relationship will quickly begin to crumble. Figure out a system that is unique and specific to you and your partner and follow that. Be honest with yourself. If you need two hours of talking everyday then be direct and communicate that need. If all you have time for on Tuesdays and Thursdays is a few text messages, then you need to communicate that to your partner as well. Figure out a standard of when you will talk and for how long and follow that, within reason. Don't be so rigid to that communication schedule that you miss out on watch the Bachelor with your girlfriends because 'you have to talk at 6:30 every night'. Enjoy your life and allow your partner to do the same. Opportunities for fun /other commitments are fluid and ever changing. Be mindful and open to these rather than feeling shackled to your communication plan.

3. See this time apart as an opportunity, not a setback.

Make a commitment to yourself during this time apart in order to grow. You will be surprised by how much free time you have initially because you are not spending that physical time with your partner. Use this time wisely; meet new friends, immerse yourself in a hobby that you may have forgotten about, or fall more deeply into your passions.

4. Fill the missing space with love.

At times you may feel that your heart is missing some of the love that it had in the past. This is not because you are no longer in love with your partner. It is because your heart misses that fullness and space that physical contact and in-person conversations create. The key here to avoid constant heartache is to fill that missing space with love in other ways. How can you be more loving to your friends, family, and yourself? I find myself craving love in different ways when I am doing distance; longer hugs with my friends, snuggling up to a cozy night in, giving myself time to work with clay, cooking myself beautiful nourishing meals, coffee dates with endless conversation, sending flowers to my mom, etc. Fill your heart and do it constantly. Make loving those around you and yourself a priority. Do this so that you are bursting with love in your own life even without your partner. This in turn will create a stronger and more loving bond between you and your person. You have to learn to build a strong and loving life alone before you are really ready to be with someone else, and distance relationships are incredible at teaching us this lesson.

5. Allow the distance relationship to be the ultimate judge.

If you can't make it through long distance as a couple, then you weren't that secure to begin with. You can never blame breaking up "on the distance." It wasn't the distance, it was the couple. This may sound harsh but hear me out. Long distance relationships have a way of bringing all cracks that existed within the relationship to the surface. I like to think of long distance as a magnet in the sand running up and down the beach of our relationships. If there is an issue buried deep in that sand, distance will magnetically pull it out.

Whether that is deeply rooted insecurity or jealousy that manifests as mistrust of your distance partner, or a physical-only relationship that feels dull and lifeless when switched over to long distance, issues rooted within the relationship will be clear very quickly. And that is a very good thing. Maybe if these buried issues are so important/ problematic that you need to part ways, long distance was a blessing because it helped you dissect and observe the relationships faults at an accelerated rate.

Long distance relationships are a beautiful stage of partnership because they allow for deep progression as a couple, complete commitment to the partnership and give you more space to grow as an individual. Don't look at this time as a sucky phase that you need to get through, be open to all that it can teach you and the deeper love connection that it can bring.

Cover Image Credit: Lifehack

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5 Perks Of Having A Long-Distance Best Friend

The best kind of long-distance relationship.

Sometimes, people get annoyed when girls refer to multiple people as their "best friend," but they don't understand. We have different types of best friends. There's the going out together best friend, the see each other everyday best friend and the constant, low maintenance best friend.

While I'm lucky enough to have two out of the three at the same school as me, my "low maintenance" best friend goes to college six hours from Baton Rouge.

This type of friend is special because no matter how long you go without talking or seeing each other, you're always insanely close. Even though I miss her daily, having a long-distance best friend has its perks. Here are just a few of them...

1. Getting to see each other is a special event.

Sometimes when you see someone all the time, you take that person and their friendship for granted. When you don't get to see one of your favorite people very often, the times when you're together are truly appreciated.

2. You always have someone to give unbiased advice.

This person knows you best, but they probably don't know the people you're telling them about, so they can give you better advice than anyone else.

3. You always have someone to text and FaceTime.

While there may be hundreds of miles between you, they're also just a phone call away. You know they'll always be there for you even when they can't physically be there.

4. You can plan fun trips to visit each other.

When you can visit each other, you get to meet the people you've heard so much about and experience all the places they love. You get to have your own college experience and, sometimes, theirs, too.

5. You know they will always be a part of your life.

If you can survive going to school in different states, you've both proven that your friendship will last forever. You both care enough to make time for the other in the midst of exams, social events, and homework.

The long-distance best friend is a forever friend. While I wish I could see mine more, I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Cover Image Credit: Just For Laughs-Chicago

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When Everyone Around You Is In a Relationship And You're Still Single

You might feel pressure to start a relationship, but reconsider...


I'm not sure how or when exactly it happened, but it suddenly seems like everyone I know is in a relationship. While I'm happy for them, it can be kinda...depressing. Nauseating. Exhausting.

It builds slowly at first: the subtle side-eye you give your friend as they're on the phone with their S.O., the little pang of jealousy you get when your cousin posts their engagement pictures on Facebook, the way you feel when your Snapchat Stories are full of people on cute dinner dates.

Suddenly, it's a Thursday afternoon and you just snapped over an Instagram post of your friend and his boyfriend on their anniversary. We've all been there. I may or may not be there currently.

The worst advice you can get when you're feeling down about not having an S.O. is "Don't worry! You'll find someone!"(Especially when it's coming from someone in a happy relationship).

I'm here to give you the actual advice that you (and I) need to hear. You do not need a relationship to be happy, satisfied, or whole.

Here's the truth: you're gonna be just fine without a relationship. You are young. You are educated. You are ambitious and have your whole future ahead of you.

You are a complete person on your own who does not need another person to validate you or make your life worth enjoying. I'm not saying a relationship can't be satisfying and fun. I am saying that being in a relationship is not the end all, be all of happiness.

If you are spending your time waiting for a relationship and looking for it in every person you meet, you can end up missing out on so much of your life. Instead of being jealous of every couple around you and being bitter that you can't seem to find the "right person," try figuring out how to enjoy spending time as an individual.

You will have more time to devote to exploring new interests, developing new skills, and meeting new people. Your social, emotional, and mental wellbeing will become priorities.

Plus, just because you aren't in a relationship or looking for a relationship, that doesn't mean you won't have romantic/sexual experiences. You can still go on dates and develop relationships with people you are attracted to without the pressure to turn it into a serious relationship. Once you remove that expectation from your mind, you might even find it easier to meet, talk to, and connect with people.

When you stop focusing all your energy and hopes onto being in a romantic relationship, you open the door to new experiences, opportunities, and people. Most importantly, you are able to refocus and recenter your life around growth as an individual, which will lead to a healthier and more solid basis for any future relationships.

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