I Survived A Suicide Attempt And I Don't Think Logan Paul Deserves The Hate He's Getting

I Survived A Suicide Attempt And I Don't Think Logan Paul Deserves The Hate He's Getting

A suicide attempt survivor's point of view on Logan Paul's discovery and vlog of the man found hanging in the woods.
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Logan Paul is a 22-year-old American Youtube sensation. His career originally began on Vine then spread to Youtube, Instagram, Twitter, and even the big screen. Most of his vlogs are light and funny. This one post, in particular, rose the hairs on viewers’ backs, and for good reason.

Logan recently posted a vlog that took place in the "suicide forest" of Aokigahara near Mt. Fuji, Japan, which is known as a place people commit suicide. Logan and his friends figured they’d be brave and go camping there and nothing would go wrong. When they arrived, they walked off-trail, about 100 yards from the main parking lot, and discovered a man who had hung himself. They had blurred out the face of the victim to protect his identity, respectfully, and suddenly the video took a serious turn. “Shit just got so real.” Paul says, in shock, as he explains to his fans that,

“Suicide is not a joke. Depression is not a joke... we just want you guys to know if any of you are going through shit, (everyone goes through their own shit), and we’re here for you guys... we care about you... all your friends and family love and care about you and suicide is never the answer.”

This vlog, made in good intention, caused a huge uprise in the YouTube community. More than 75,000 people have signed a petition to have his channel shut down. Others are cursing him out, disrespecting him in his own feed, and flat out freaking out. What these people seem to misunderstand, is that Paul experienced something traumatizing and wanted to alert the suicidal audience that it is never the answer, that people do care about them, and that there are other options. With as many people struggling as there are today, is that really so wrong?

I’m going to get a lot of hate for posting this, but I don’t think Logan Paul deserves all the negativity he is getting.

You all can hate on me instead for standing by him, but let me tell you why my opinion on this, specifically, matters.

Growing up, I never fit in anywhere. I wasn’t girly enough, pretty enough or athletic enough. At some point in time, my only friends were my parents and the many books I kept in my room. I faced middle school pretty much alone, which, as you all know, can be brutal and terrifying. In high school, I was a little more popular, but that lifestyle led to a whole new kind of pain.

I was brutally raped by my boyfriend, didn’t know how to tell my conservative parents — or anyone for that matter — and tried to deal with it alone, ended up blaming myself, and before I knew it, I was trying to take my own life.

He told me the world would be better off without me, and I believed him. I survived that attempt, and in my freshman year of college I was battling a severely abusive relationship and tried again because I never got the help I needed beforehand.

Suicide is NEVER the answer.

Yes, sometimes it feels like you are alone, yes, sometimes it feels like nothing will ever be OK anymore, and you fake a smile and no one sees through it, but at the same time, you’re so scared to say anything about it. I get that. I do. Sometimes, we just don’t want to be here anymore.

I understand why the idea of self-harm suddenly becomes glorified in your mind. It’s like you want to focus on something physical to let go of all the emotions for a while. Or even the sight of your own blood makes you realize you’re still alive. I understand why, in extreme cases, you think putting yourself out of your misery will solve all your problems. But it doesn’t. Take it from me.

I am one of the rare people who survived my attempts of suicide. I’m not going to traumatize anyone by saying how I tried to end my life, as I understand Paul may have done by releasing footage of a hanging man.

However, I will be first to tell you that in the instant between life and death, the moment that feels like your last breath, you will freak the f*ck out and suddenly regret everything.

Just before I went under, it hit me that I was going to die.

I didn’t feel a sense of relief that everything would finally be over, I felt excruciating pain and panic. And I realized I didn’t want to die. I realized that I had a full life ahead of me, and a purpose to fulfill; I didn’t want to die miserable and alone. I wanted to die happily, when I was supposed to die, after everything in my life had turned around and in that moment, I realized that if I waited a little longer, it would have turned around. That one day, I would have been OK. But in that moment, it was too late for me.

Obviously, I didn’t die. And I have never been so happy to be alive before that moment in time when I woke up and I realized I wasn’t dead. I woke up with complete strangers around me. Cops, doctors, psychologists, the school counselor. Someone found me passed out in my dorm and called 911. I’m not sure who, but if you are reading this, thank you.

To my surprise, these “strangers” cared about me so much, all they wanted to do was help me. No one wanted to hurt me or ridicule me or chastise me for wanting to die. They understood my pain and wanted to teach me how to cope with it, and they did help. They helped so much.

And today, instead of wanting to die, I’m chasing my dreams, deciding on happiness, and thriving.

I wish I had gotten that help beforehand. I wouldn’t have struggled nearly as much as I did. The sun would have come up so much quicker. So please, if anyone reading this today is struggling with themselves, you are free to reach out to me. You are free to reach out to your parents, your friends, your family, or places of worship. We all care about you. You are a human life so much more precious than you will ever understand, that despite what anyone tells you, no one wants to lose you. The world is not better off without you. In fact, something vital to the world around you will be so desperately missing. You won’t be helping anyone, and definitely not yourself, if you decide to do this.

So, I firmly stand by Logan Paul on his stance against suicide. I respect his ideas and opinions, as well as I would do the same for you.

Cover Image Credit: Logan Paul Vlogs

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I Woke up In The Middle Of The Night To Write About My Fears, They're Worse Than The Dark

One minute I'm thinking about what I want to do after college next thing I know I'm remembering the time I tried talking to a boy and choked on my spit.

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It is one of those nights when I am tired, but for some reason, I can't seem to fall asleep. So, what do I do? I pull out my laptop, and I begin to write. Who knows where it will lead. It could lead to a killer article or something that does not make sense. I mean it is almost 2 A.M. In my mind, that's pretty late.

Anyways, let's do this thing.

Like many people, thoughts seem to pile up in my head at this time. It could be anything from a time when I was younger to embarrassing stories to wondering why I am "wasting" my time somewhere to thoughts about the future. All of these things come at me like a wildfire. One minute I'm thinking about what I want to do after college next thing I know I'm remembering the time I tried talking to a boy and choked on my spit.

The thought that is going through my mind as I write this is about the future. It's about the future of my fears. Let me explain. I have multiple fears. Some of my fears I can hide pretty well, others I am terrible at hiding. My fears may seem silly to some. While others might have the same fears. Shall we start?

1. My career

I don't know where to begin with this one. For as long as I can remember, my consistent dream job has been working in the world of sports, specifically hockey. A career in sports can be and is a challenging thing. The public eye is on you constantly. A poor trade choice? Fans are angry. Your team sucks? "Fans" are threatening to cheer for someone else if you can't get your sh*t together. You can be blamed for anything and everything. Whether you are the coach, general manager, owner, it does not matter. That's terrifying to me, but for some reason, I want to work for a team.

2. My family

Julie Fox

Failing with my family, whether that be the family I was born into or my future family, it terrifies me. I have watched families around me fall apart and I have seen how it has affected them. Relationships have fallen apart because of it. I have heard people talk about how much they hate one of their parents because of what happened. I don't want that.

3. Time

This could be a dumb fear. I'm not sure, but I fear time. With every minute that passes, I am just another minute closer to the end. With every day that passes that I am not accomplishing goals or dreams I have, I am losing precious time. It scares me to think of something horrible like "What if I die tomorrow because of something horrific?" or even worse, "What if I don't make it through today?" It's terrible, I know.

4. Forgetting precious memories

When I was younger, I had brain surgery. It is now much harder for me to remember things. I am truly terrified that I am going to forget things I will want to hold close to me forever, but I won't be able to. I am scared I'll forget about the little things that mean a lot. I'm afraid of forgetting about old memories that may disappear. I'm worried that I'll forget about something like my wedding day. That might seem out of this world, but it's a reality for me.

5. Saying "goodbye"

I hate saying bye. It is one of my least favorite things. Saying bye, especially to people I don't know when I'll see again, is a stab in the heart for me. I love my people so much. I love being around them. I love laughing with them. Thought of never having a hello with them again scares me beyond belief.

6. Leaving places that I love

Alright, let me start off by saying this- it takes a lot for me to love a place. It has to feel like home. It has to make me feel comfortable. It has to be a place I can go to and be myself. Thankfully, I have had and still have multiple places that are like that. I have also had places I could not wait to leave. I think that's why leaving places I love is so hard and something I fear so much. I am afraid I'll never get that place "back", for lack of a better term. I guess, I'm trying to say, it's like a piece of me is leaving as well.




These six things are just the start of my fears. Some of these might seem "dumb" or "ridiculous" to you, but for me, it's my life. These are the things that I think about the most. These are the things that feel like a pit in my stomach. These six things are parts of my life that mean a lot to me.

Cover Image Credit:

Emily Heinrichs

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4 Essential resources For Suicide Prevention

What are the resources out there to help those that feel as if they cannot speak and be heard?

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It is no great secret that suicide has become an epidemic in our country, especially in our military. However, that doesn't mean it doesn't affect the other 3 billion people in the world. So what is being done to help bring this to light and hopefully make people see there is another way?

1. Hotlines

There are hotlines that people can call when they are having suicidal thoughts. These hotlines are to educate those who call about a family/friend or for those in crisis who are thinking about the unimaginable.

These hotlines are supposed to create a safe environment for those in a tragic place to call and express themselves in any way they feel comfortable. The people who answer the phones are trained to make you feel safe and to listen to everything you have to say.

These hotlines can save so many lives. If you or someone you know is feeling hopeless than maybe try one of these hot lines.

2. Programs

There are many programs that you can find online about suicide prevention. These websites and programs talk about the warning signs, things to look for, what to do if you encounter someone who exhibits these signs, etc.

These programs are meant mainly for those who know someone who is going through all of the signs for suicide. I know that my friends visited these website programs to help me, and i think that their education helped save me.

3. Warning Signs

As discussed earlier, there are warning signs. Every therapist, online program, presentation, etc. go over the various warning signs that one can look out for to help others.

4. Internet

Last but not least, the internet. This can be the most powerful thing to either ending or saving a life.

Social media and cyber bullying are two of the top reasons why people commit suicide outside military personnel. But some social media can have their own support groups that can help let people know across the world that they are not alone. This can create a movement and a powerful influence in the world.


If you or someone you know is going through this, please share and let them know there are resources to help them, that they are not alone, and they are loved.

You are all worth being on this earth! Please help me keep as many people on this earth for as long as possible.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW ARE STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND/OR TENDENCIES, REACH OUT IMMEDIATELY. NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THIS ALONE. SUICIDE IS SERIOUS.

National Suicide Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255 - available 24/7

Cover Image Credit:

Suicide Prevention Day

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