The friends of local man Eric Jackson, age 22, had been discussing a way for them to desperately add a little excitement to their lives in a way that did not involve drugs or alcohol (sources say that this would be the first time the men had experienced excitement with those stipulations since any of them were in elementary school) when Andy Wilson, age 23, suggested they try skydiving. However, an impasse was reached when Jackson declared that he was not “feelin’ it.”
Jackson, who does not fear death and thinks it would be pretty cool to jump out of a plane, expressed apprehension about the activity. “Wouldn’t you be like, strapped to a guy the whole time? Up in the air with nothing to talk about? I don’t know, guys, I don’t think I’m into that.”
“Yeah,” piped up Jerry. “I don’t think I’m into that,” he echoed. Sources confirm that Jerry didn’t really care either way but was madly in love with Jackson.
Jackson told our reporters that he didn’t understand why he hung out with such a daredevil, and that his no-fear attitude was too much for someone like him. “Last week Wilson suggested we order pizza, and then get this: he was going to make me talk on the phone! I don’t know about you, but I’m just not about that kind of risk.”
When asked about the prospect of ignoring all of one’s survival instincts to plunge out of an airplane 10,500 feet from the earth, a distance Jackson could not quite visualize or conceive of other than that it was very, very far, Jackson seemed ambivalent. “I mean, the whole jumping part might be kind of scary, but I also imagine it must be pretty damn awkward to just go up in a plane with these random people you’ve never met before and then plunge vertically to the surface of the Earth, with nothing to guarantee your survival but the parachute strapped to your back, experiencing a physical sensation for which you have no previous frame of reference, trying to make small talk with some instructor. I know some wild and crazy types who might be into that kind of thing, but I’ve just never been an extravert like that.”
Wilson’s devil-may-care attitude has made him the de facto leader of the local group of men, a group whose social life mainly consists of making sure none of them are ever put in a situation where they have to interact with human beings besides each other. Wilson, on the other hand, is able to talk to all kinds of people-without his voice quivering! The other men regarded Wilson’s frankly badass approach to life with a mixture of admiration and fear. “Man, Wilson doesn’t care about anything!” commented friend Simon Jones. “You know he has a whole other friend group from college? That’s like …Seven whole other people to talk to! Crazy, man. Just crazy. I’m always telling him to be careful.”
At press time, a verdict on skydiving as a group activity had yet to be reached as the topic of conversation changed and Jackson’s thoughts shifted to worry about how he had said “Yeah!” in response to his neighbor asking “How are you?” the previous morning.
