You ever have that moment when something funny happens and you have the best movie reference; and you just know that if your soulmate was in the room, they would drop everything and propose to you right on the spot? You ever quote a movie and people stare blankly at you like a waxed statue? (Knocked Up) Welcome to my life, the life where no one understands your movie references.
I was born and raised on movies. I can’t remember a vacation where I wasn’t watching Joe Dirt or Billy Madison. A typical day for me involves quoting a movie in my head knowing damn well no one will know what I’m talking about, and when I finally bring it outside my head, people still don’t know what I’m talking about. So I’m left sitting there laughing by myself.
Sometimes I will randomly bring up a movie in the hopes that at least someone will relate to me. For example I will say, "Hey remember that movie with fat twins running around in a junkyard that also had a hot dog train?” (Nothing But Trouble) People then say, no Stephanie I don’t know what the hell you are talking about because I only watch movies that came out after 2009.
Other times I will say something offensive from a movie and people will think I’m completely serious because they haven’t seen that movie. Leaving me looking like a douche in the corner. When someone’s complaining about something I automatically think, “Whoa whoa whoa ... Miss Lippy. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog gets lost, you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog.” (Billy Madison) IT’S FROM A MOVIE! Say it don’t spray it brother dang. (Joe Dirt)
Sometimes I will do things from a movie, leaving people with their eyebrows raised like Jack Black in School of Rock when he first learns his students can rock. I’ll do things and people won’t know what to think. If I’m at a restaurant, I’ll start putting salt and pepper in someone’s purse and say, “Put them in your purse.” They are like stop, just stop whatever you are doing. I raise my arms like dude come on, Home Alone? Uncle Frank? Then finally the feeling of isolation kicks in.
You began to realize that not everyone knows who Ted Logan and Bill Preston are (Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure). Not everyone knows what the planet Remulak is (Coneheads). Not everyone will understand that when all the chips stick together it’s one Nacho (Saving Silverman). Either I watch way too many movies our people don’t watch enough. Every day is a struggle. With great power comes great responsibility (Spiderman). With this great power, I’m going to keep on keepin’ on, life’s a garden dig (Joe Dirt). With that in mind, here are a few more movies you all should watch no matter who you are.
The Royal Tenenbaums
“I think we're just gonna to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that, Richie.”
Big Daddy
“Fish! Pony! Hip, Hip Hop, Hip Hop anonymous? Damn you! You gave him the easy ones.”
Riding in Cars with Boys
“One day can make your life; one day can ruin your life. All life is is four or five big days that change everything.”
Austin Powers
“Who throws a shoe, honestly?”
Uncle Buck
“I'm on to cigars now. I'm on to a five-year plan. I eliminated cigarettes, then I go to cigars, then I go to pipes, then I go to chewing tobacco, then I'm on to that nicotine gum.”
Evolution
“If I was a giant nasty alien bird in a department store, where would I be? Lingerie.”
Sleepless in Seattle
“Destiny is something we've invented because we can't stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental.”
Tommy Boy
“Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.”
National Lampoon’s: Animal House
“TOGA! TOGA!”
Forrest Gump
“The best thing about visiting the President is the food! Now, since it was all free, and I wasn’t hungry but thirsty, I must’ve drank me fifteen Dr. Peppers.”
