Living With Geographic Tongue

Living With Geographic Tongue

That weird tongue disease
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Warning! There will be pictures of varying degrees of grossness. If you are squeamish and think weird tongues might freak you out, please locate the nearest exit.

Tongues. They reside in our mouths, are incredibly flexible — sometimes freakishly so — and are the strongest muscle in the human body. These muscles have always been a source of weird tricks and traits. Some people can roll it into a shape that vaguely resembles a taco, others can make the clover and then there are those that can somehow straight up fold their tongue in half.

These strange tongue facts are news to no one, but there is something I'm willing to bet that the majority of people don't know about. If you are a fan of watching bizarre medical conditions videos, you may have heard of this condition called geographic tongue. "What's that?" you who have not heard of this ailment ask. Well, it's something I have lived with every day for as long as I can remember. Geographic tongue is a disease (I'm not a fan of the word "disease," but I'm not in charge here) that is centralized to the surface of the tongue. For some unknown reason, it causes raised white lines and/or bald patches all over the tongue - that's where the geographic part comes in.

According to the Mayo Clinic, geographic tongue is listed as a harmless ailment, but I would disagree. True, it will not kill you — unless you're allergic to having a weird looking tongue — but it can definitely cause harm. You see, this condition brings with it an incredibly delightful increased sensitivity to spicy and acidic things. I'm not talking about a slight increase either. What I'm talking about is an "I've become so sensitive that the small amount of acid in a banana hurts me," increased sensitivity.

Just imagine, you go home and you find out that your mother has made that delicious chili for dinner. You know the one I'm talking about. Everyone at the table can easily consume their entire bowl while barely being bothered by the relatively small amount of spice. You however — oh boy — you get to the end of your bowl (which has been loaded with heat reducers like sour cream and cheese, and you even ate most of it with buttered crackers!) and you're sweating like a pig because of the ridiculous amount of heat and pain radiating from your tongue. You're almost in tears, and you find yourself wondering, "Is my tongue bleeding? It feels like it's bleeding." No, your tongue isn't bleeding. It's just dangerously red, welted and dreading tomorrow's leftovers.

It can't get worse than that, can it? Sorry to ruin your dreams, but it can. Geographic tongue by itself causes sensitivity, but those unlucky enough, much like myself, will also find themselves in possession of a fissured tongue. This condition causes lovely little groves to cover the tongue and its own round of spicy/acidic food caused pain.

There's nothing quite like a double pain whammy that makes your tongue look gross, am I right?

Cover Image Credit: Dental Studio 101

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How To Play 'New Girl's' True American Drinking Game

"It's 75% drinking, 20% Candy Land, and the floor is molten lava."
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I think it's fair to say that anyone who watches New Girl knows about True American. This crazy, non-sense drinking game which pops up every so often throughout the seasons and first introduced in Season 1 Episode 20.

The game, as described by New Girl character and fan-favorite Schmidt, is 75% drinking game and 20% Candy Land with a floor of molten lava.

The point of the game is for players to navigate through the Candy Land-like spaces to the "castle," which is a table in the center of the room that holds beer "pawns" and the "king" bottle. The first person to reach and sip from the bottle wins.

SEE ALSO: 15 Things "New Girl" Fans Know to Be True

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Here's how to play:

Step #1: Prepare the "castle"

First, set up your "castle." The castle is made up of beer "pawns" and the "king," a bottle filled with the alcohol of your choice.

The bottle should be in the middle of the table, surrounded by four lines of beer pawns. There is no exact number of beers necessary for each line of beer pawns. Choose any amount of beers that seems appropriate for the amount of players.

Step #2: Set up spaces

Set up spaces using pillows, chairs or any other objects players will be able to stand on. Place an equal amount of spaces around the table. You'll want about 5-8 spaces on each side, depending on the size of the room you're playing in.

Only four of these spaces should reach the castle, lining up with the parade of beer "pawns" and allowing players to take a beer pawn from the castle. For example, in the photo above, each of the chairs touch a corner of the table at the end of the line of beer pawns. Therefore, these are two of the four special spaces that allow players to take a beer. Unlike the pillows pictured, which are just regular spaces that the players can use to move around.

Step #3: Pick teams

Teams are optional. To pick teams, all of the players will place a certain number (1-5) of fingers against their forehead on the count of three.

Any players who hold up the same number are a team. Unmatched players can team up as needed or simply pair up with the person standing closest to them.

Step #4: Begin

Begin with a shotgun "tip-off" to determine which player goes first.

The winner of this shotgunning contest will yell, "One, two, three...JFK!" to announce the official beginning of the game. All players will enthusiastically respond, "FDR!" then quickly grab a beer pawn from the castle and run to any space they wish to start at, excluding for the four special spaces that reach the castle.

Step #5: Make moves

The winner of the shotgunning contest has earned the first turn. From then on, the order of turns will move in a clockwise rotation. During each turn, the player will move one space toward the castle and choose to play one of the following mini-games.

Mini-game number one: the player whose turn it is will count to three then all players will place a certain number (1-5) of fingers on their forehead. Any player who selects a number no one else selected can move ONE space.

Mini-game number two: the player whose turn it is will recite the beginning of a famous American quote. The first player to complete the quote can move TWO spaces.

Mini-game number three: the player whose turn it is will name two famous American people, places or things. The first player to identify what the two have in common can move THREE spaces.

For example, say it's your turn. You will move one space then choose one of the three mini-games. You and all of the players will participate in that game, and the winner will move accordingly. After this, your turn is over and it's the next player's turn (in the original clockwise rotation).

Step #6: "Play on, playa."



Continue playing by these rules until one lucky winner reaches the bottle and sips from its royal glass.

The bottle cannot be opened until every last pawn is removed from the castle. Any players who fail to keep at least one beer in hand, who accidentally end up with more than three beers in hand, or who touch the lava are immediately disqualified. Disqualified players can rejoin the game by shotgunning a beer.

Congratulations!

You are now able to impress all of your New Girl-loving friends with knowledge of the workings of the epic True American drinking game. Know your limits, drink responsibly and enjoy!

Cover Image Credit: i.amz.mshcdn.com

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10 Things That True Coffee Lovers Will Find Relatable

There simply are not enough words to espresso how we truly feel...
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There simply are not enough words to espresso how we truly feel...

1. You blame your ill mood on lack of coffee

Short tempers and low patience levels are unavoidable without your morning cup. Also, you are slightly annoyed by really every action. In fact, if you haven't had your coffee, your friends have probably learned by now to just stay away.

2. You've researched at least one time the maximum amount of caffeine that you can drink without dying of an overdose.

Honestly, you really only researched it out of curiosity though. It's not like you would actually lessen your intake of coffee if you knew the safety limit. It almost challenges you to want to drink more caffeine. Pretty unhealthy but it's okay, right?

3. Coffee is an accessory.

Forget about the cute necklace or Pandora ring. If you have your coffee in hand as you walk around town, you feel just as fabulous as any trendy outfit would make you feel. It is an actual confidence booster, you cannot argue this.

4. With that being said, yes, you do want for your coffee to be shown in the picture.


If you and your friend are taking a picture and she gets to show off her new cute shoes and MK purse, then yes, you will proudly pose with your venti Starbucks Pike Roast or your fat-free French vanilla Dunkin Donuts iced coffee. It brings you great joy to share your love of coffee with the world.

5. Coffee does not affect your sleep schedule.


Even though you still drink three times as much the night before a big test when you are cramming, in reality, you could still fall asleep instantly if you really wanted to. Your body is simply immune. Your cup of coffee at 8 AM, 3 PM, and 2 AM is all one in the same.

6. The baristas in your hometown know your name.

They know your order, too, how to make your drink just right. You get a little nervous every time you go to a new coffee shop because you have grown so comfortable with your hometown coffee shop, your second home on a real note.

7. Forget saving money, it all gets blown on coffee.

You can withhold from buying clothes, jewelry, food, and other drinks. However, for some reason, when you see or smell coffee anywhere in sight, your senses literally make you buy it. All you can think about is how great coffee would be right in that moment. Nothing else matters, even the amount of money in your bank account. There is no greater temptation, and you give into it every single time.

8. So naturally, your body has adapted to coffee as meal replacements.

Food is great and all, don't get me wrong. But, when you are on a college budget and are sitting there with $5 in your bank account, obviously you are gonna spend it on that coffee that you see or smell and just HAVE to have rather than some nutritious. filling meal. Sounds logical enough for you and that is all that matters.

9. You love getting asked questions about coffee.

Nothing gets you hyped up more than a person who wants to talk coffee. Not to mention it is a total honor that the person trusts your knowledge of coffee enough. It really is a big deal. You want your reputation for coffee to remain trustworthy and dependable.

10. Coffee is the way to your heart. Every time.

Finally, if you are looking for a boy to sweep you off your feet, coffee has the power to do it. You simply cannot turn down a coffee date. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Coffee is your weakness. It brings happiness to a sometimes dull world.

Although people may disappoint, you can rest in peace knowing that your coffee never will!

Cover Image Credit: Brandy Melville/Instagram

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