Somehow I managed to make it back here to my college town in just a little bit over a week since packing up and leaving. Earlier this past school year when my best friends and I signed the lease for our first house (yay!) without even seeing the inside of it first (do not recommend, even though we lucked out), I started contemplating living in my college town this summer. Our lease started at the beginning of summer, so I had the option to play with.
After some time, I decided that unless an internship option came up back home in Maryland that I would return here to Ohio to where I felt most myself at the moment. I knew that even if I wasn’t able to find an internship this summer, I would be able to find a part-time job anywhere, and I had a small number of funds that would make it possible for me to take the time to do so.
I write to you sitting from a small café, as always, mostly because I can’t sit in my mess of a room right now that is taking just as long as I expected to put together. I have to run out and buy a screwdriver after this (not the drink – slightly too early), because apparently “hardware included” doesn’t include tools although it did in the clothing rack I put together last night. This was all what I expected, the rough adjustment parts of it, of moving in and such. My face and hands are dry because I can’t remember what box my moisturizer is in, and my nails are snagging on everything because I can’t find the nail file. My bank account is taking hits left and right as I buy only the necessary furniture I need to not have clothes strewn all over the floor, and I have yet to eat a meal in in 48 hours.
There are similarities to moving into the dorms for the first time. We’ve all already said that goodbye to our parents, started a new type of education, and self-taught our first class on responsibility, but there is something new that I’ve noticed.
I feel… weird.
Besides my one roommate who will be living here sometime during the summer, I do know a few friends who have also chosen to stay in our college town, but I still feel weird. I still can’t exactly place my finger on it even now, but I think it might just be the fact that I have nothing I’m waiting on. Even in the summer at home, I’m waiting on returning to school, but here I’m already here, and I have what feels like an endless amount of time to determine what to do. It’s a blank canvas, and I guess I feel weird because very honestly I’m terrible with coming up with ideas when it comes to blank canvases.
I know that come Monday I’ll start pursuing work, and for now, I continuously run around trying to botch together my bedroom, but I feel as if I have no priorities. I’ve constantly run on priorities. During the school year, I have multiple Greek events, schoolwork, and articles to write, but there aren’t really any “pre-constructed priorities” for me at the moment. Even my summer class that I thought started a week ago doesn’t start for six more weeks! I have no –
Okay, I’m just rambling at this point. I’ll assure you this: I still have it together. Even with as dry as my skin is, I’m doing fine. It’s going to take some time to continue running around getting my room together until I finally am comfortable in my space, and maybe that’s just it! I have yet to truly create my space…
I’ll get back to you next week.