When I was a freshman in college, my public speaking professor made us watch a TED Talk that changed my life. Brené Brown, a researcher with a background in social work, spoke on human connection and the power of vulnerability. Brown spent six years studying shame and vulnerability, and this quote basically summarizes the essence of the video, “Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle of worthiness, but it appears to be the birthplace of joy of creativity of belonging of love.” She found that without vulnerability, we are incapable of connection. We numb vulnerability with booze and food and shopping, and none of it really helps. We can’t selectively numb some emotions. It doesn’t work. If you numb the bad emotions, you numb all of them. Take the beloved quote from "Harry Potter's" Dumbledore, “Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.” To feel the good we must feel the bad.

Brown also says that people who are genuinely happy and see themselves worthy of love see vulnerability not as something excruciating, but something that is necessary. Vulnerability is letting go of who you think you should be in order to be who you are. What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. Vulnerability is the willingness to say I love you first, to do something where there are no guarantees, to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. We numb, we perfect, we make the uncertain certain and we pretend. Vulnerability sucks, doesn’t it?

Up to this moment in college, I was facing new challenges. I had just undergone a breakup. I was in a new city with no one I knew from high school. I was juggling the quest to be vulnerable, strong and independent. It was an anxiety-filled time in my life. But when I saw this Ted Talk, as lame as it sounds, I knew I could face my challenges. I was good enough. I was strong enough. Strong doesn’t mean you don’t struggle. It doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings. It means you face your feelings with dignity, you accept them and you learn from them.

I see so many people on social media posting about lying in bed all day because that’s the cool thing to do. It’s cool to pretend like you don’t care. It’s a competition to see who cares the least. But that’s not living! Take risks. Take chances. That’s what vulnerability is about. Make a fool of yourself in front of everyone because you’ll gain trust. Maybe you’ll learn what not to do. Either way, you are growing as a person.

Vulnerability is scary. Opening up to a prospective significant other is hard after you’ve been hurt. Walking away with your head held high after being turned down a job position is humiliating. Embarrassing yourself in front of peers is excruciating. The easiest thing to do after you’ve been hurt is to curl up and promise yourself you’ll never let yourself feel pain like that again. But the thing is if you promise yourself that, then all the trust you’ll have will be for Netflix and your bed.

Live life courageously by loving deeply and falling hard. Be passionate, trusting and spontaneous only because a life lived in the shadow of fear is only half a life. And to end with the ever-wise words of Brené Brown, she urges us to “let ourselves be seen. Love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee. Practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror. Believe that we are enough.” We have to let go and relax if we want to truly live.