Sometime in January, Kidz Bop released their long-anticipated next volume of pop songs performed by 13-year-olds. "Kidz Bop 31" is finally here! We're now celebrating 15 years of the Kidz Bop legacy. Luckily, the whole thing was up on Spotify, so I got the chance to listen to the whole thing and review it for everyone's convenience.

Hire me, Pitchfork.

"What Do You Mean" - Originally by Justin Bieber

First track -- a chorus of Kidz Bop kids start the album off right, singing the hook of the recent Bieber hit in unison. The verses were sung solo, and the kid singing them had a decently Bieber-esque voice. I was almost impressed. There were some lyrical changes that I understood- "hangin' out all night" as opposed to the original "makin' love all night" -- but I couldn't make sense of the change from "nod your head yes when you wanna say no" to "sometimes say yes but you sometimes say no." Hm.

"Stitches" - Originally by Shawn Mendes

The next song on the tracklist is "Stitches" by Vine-star-turned-songwriter Shawn Mendes. This version is slightly pitched-up, presumably in order to accommodate the pre-pubescent vocal range of the Kidz Bop singers. Lyrical changes: "you pulled me in" as opposed to "you lured me in," and "other" instead of "lover." Not completely sure why that was necessary, but hey. I guess they do what they gotta do.

"Wildest Dreams" - Originally by Taylor Swift

"He's so tall and handsome as well." That's right, up next is a watered-down Taylor Swift cover, and it's exactly what you'd expect. The Kidz Bop effect seems especially prominent on this track, especially at the chorus, which took me back to watching a school choir performance in middle school. You're clapping for your friends, but you're not enjoying it. There's a lot that gets swept under the rug lyrically with this one, since Swift's subtle allusions to sex are clearly unsuitable for young ears. Notable change: "Tangled up with you all night, burning it down" turns to "hangin' out with you all night, turning it down." These Kidz love to hang out.

"Drag Me Down" - Originally by One Direction

There isn't much to say about this one. It's the same, except kids are singing it. Which is the point, I guess. They say "guy" instead of "man," to make it more relatable to the tweens.

"Hotline Bling" - Originally by Drake

I was anxious to press play for the next one, and with good reason. To follow up One Direction, the Kidz Bop team decided to do a cover of "Hotline Bling." Oh, God. The Kidz Bop chorus takes us through the first chorus -- "You used to call me on my cellphone... any time you need to talk." You've got to hand it to the people at Kidz Bop -- after 31 installments, they really know how to filter out any type of suggestive content whatsoever. "Started caring less and going out more. Dancing your heart out out on the dance floor." My favorite part was when they added a little echo to the words "hotline bling" in the chorus for a little flair. 10/10.

"Same Old Love" - Originally by Selena Gomez

By now, I know what to expect. I'm just curious about what they'll change to avoid the swearing. Here it is: "I'm so sick of that same old love. That love, it tears me up." Fair enough.

"Ex's and Oh's" - Originally by Elle King

Elle King's up next. This one was particularly unbearable for whatever reason. The only thing worth mentioning about it is that they couldn't even stand the possible innuendo of "they always wanna come but they never wanna leave." What did they change "come" to? "Hang." Obviously.

"Sorry" - Originally by Justin Bieber

They doubled up on the Justin Bieber! Once again, they pitch up the song to nearly inhuman levels. This one might be the most shocking track of the album. They've gotten lazy with the lyric changes at this point -- "Is it too late now to say sorry? 'Cause I'm missing you and now I'm sorry." But by far my favorite part was the scream. You know that occasional "woo!" that punctuates the background of the original song? Well, they had to re-record it, so every so often we hear a kid screaming. Inspired stuff.

"Confident" - Originally by Demi Lovato

I actually hadn't heard the original for this one, so I looked it up for comparison. The most noteworthy change was "it's all about me tonight" turned into "it's all about me today." Don't want our youth getting any ideas about what time of day it's appropriate to be doing stuff.

"Like I'm Gonna Lose You" - Originally by Meaghan Trainor and John Legend

Two thirds of the way done at this point. Actually, I've gotta give credit where it's due here. The girl singing Trainor's part had a surprisingly good voice for a 12-14-year-old kid. I've got nothing else to say about this one. Standard.

"Renegades" - Originally by X Ambassadors

This cover sounded exactly like the original. Interpret that how you will.

"Here" - Originally by Alessia Cara

I think, by now, we get the point. We probably got the point 30 installations of Kidz Bop ago. That's not stopping me. "Under clouds of marijuana" turned into "over here just where I wanna." It's OK.

"On My Mind" - Originally by Ellie Goulding

I dive into the next track. I am numb to Kidz Bop at this point. I don't remember what normal songs sound like anymore. I literally can't say anything about this song. It's not worth it.

"Downtown" - Originally by Macklemore

Even after all I'd been through in the past 45 minutes, I was not prepared for this next song. A cover of "Downtown" by Macklemore ft. Ryan Lewis. I have no clue why they would choose this song. I'm hurting. There is just too much. Too many changes to mention. "Ass in my face" turns to "smile on her face." "M, the A, C, the K" becomes "K, the I, D, the Z." I enter an alternate reality. One more song left.

"Hello" - Originally by Adele

Kidz Bop chooses to end on Adele's "Hello." I don't think Adele did anything to deserve this. It's bearable until the chorus, which is the point where the Kidz Bop kids choose to scream at me. It feels like a personal attack. I listen every last note, refusing to back down.

So, that's Kidz Bop 31 for you. All in all, it's one of the better albums released this year. I truly can't wait for the next installment.