Valentine's Day is right around the corner, and you're still single.
It's okay. At least you won't be the only seething at your Instagram feed when you see all those couples going out on cute dinners. I mean, what's so special about this over-commercialized holiday? Valentine's Day is nothing more than a day for couples to forget their problems and end the night with wild, scandalous sex. I mean, it's not like I'm jealous of the sex part.
However, me being the nice person I am, I came up with a list (with the help of a friend) of things that you can do on this awful, lonely night.
1. Get drunk and do drugs
We all know everything gets better when your mind is all fuzzy from the alcohol and drugs you've done. You forget your pains and your bitterness; and you love everybody because, in the end, the world is such a nice and happy place, am I right?
But if you are one of those people who cry a lot when wasted, maybe the next option might be better for you.
2. Netflix and chill by yo' self
It's better to be alone than with bad company, right? If anything, watch one of those stupid romantic comedies on Netflix. I'm sure they'll make you feel better about your single life because you don't have to deal with all that drama. It would be a nice date for you, your loneliness, and your right hand.
And here's a recommendation from my friend: Legally Blonde, because she is an independent, white woman who doesn't need a man! (Her words, not mine.)
3. Challenge yourself to eat a meal for you and the guy who never answered your "Do you like me? Yes or No?" note
There's nothing more romantic than a bowl of your favorite pasta and a glass of wine. So, cook a meal for two—and eat it all y yourself. Serve two glasses of wine (or vodka or tequila)—and drink them by yourself. Trust me, your stomach will thank you later for all those carbs.
4. Swipe right on Tinder until you match with somebody
Now, this is if you don't want to spend the night by yourself. Go to any dating app you have—be it Tinder or Grindr or slide in somebody's DMs—and pray to the gods of dating that you'll find a last minute date.
If somebody answers you, shamelessly ask them out on a date. If they answered you, it's because they have nobody to spend the day with, just like you! Explain to them how the day will be, you know. Maybe out for a movie (like the Maze Runner because why not?) then dinner. And if they want dessert, just bring them home. You're welcome.
5. Eat a pint of ice cream and cry
They say that dessert doesn't go to your stomach, but to the heart; I think they couldn't be more correct. You know, it's okay if you cry while eating it. Ice cream will make you feel much better about our loneliness. Trust me, I've been in this position many times. Nothing feels better than that sweet, sticky blessing sliding down your throat. Plus, it ain't warm but cool. *insert a smirk here for the sake of my crappy joke*
I totally guarantee that at least more than one thing on this list will totally make your night. There are no refunds; so buy wisely. And if you buy wisely, you won't end up with 50 roses and 10 boxes of chocolate that your crush didn't accept because they didn't want to be your valentine. Now, once again, I'm not talking from personal experiences here lol.
And one last thing, if you're single like many of us reading this, watch this video! It will give you a much better idea of what to do with your night.
