She doesn’t like make-up. She doesn’t wear high heels, or frilly dresses. She prefers beer to cocktails, sports to reality TV, you know, she’s one of the guys. She stands out because she’s quirky, witty, interesting. She’s special. You know what she is? She’s Not Like Other Girls.

It’s a trope we see over and over again in the stories we tell ourselves, through countless teen fiction novels and romance flicks, where some high school jock falls for the nerdy alt-girl who changes his life by showing him some ultrahip record or speaking some profound line on top of a rooftop and gazing out into the night. But it’s a dangerous trope, not only because it encourages young men to embark on some perpetual search for their perfect little Manic Pixie Dream Girl, a girl who most definitely does not exist for anyone anywhere on this earth; it’s also harmful because it makes young girls want to be That Girl, the special one, the one who’s “Not Like Other Girls.”

It’s harmful, mainly, because it makes girls want to identify themselves in opposition to other girls. Be wary of a girl who thinks of herself more as “one of the guys,” because it is a way of trying to appear desirable to men by separating oneself, even looking down upon, other women. It’s disingenuous, unnatural, and, quite frankly, sexist.

It’s not their fault. What with the way we’re socialized through media tropes and pernicious ideas about women, we’ve all been led to believe that in order to feel accepted by whom we want to be accepted, we must cut off certain parts of ourselves: Our girliness, our femininity, the parts that make us just like every other girl.

Remember, there is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with femininity, the high heels and the make-up and the painted nails and pretty dresses. There’s nothing wrong with following trends, listening to unoriginal pop music and watching vapid TV shows and reading Jodi Picault—things that are traditionally associated with girls who are "shallow" and "unoriginal." And there’s nothing more saddening for me than to see than a girl who has to put down “other girls” and whatever it is that other girls do and like in order to make herself look better in the eyes of a man.

Girls who try to separate themselves from the idea of other girls might seem to be making the statement that they don’t need validation from anyone, but it actually shows the lengths to which they are willing to achieve validation from men. It’s fine if you’re a girl who actually doesn’t like traditionally feminine things; but if you’re trying to be someone you’re not and find yourself turning against your own gender to get boys to see that you’re “different,” darling, you’re living a teen-flick fantasy that’ll never hold up to real world standards. Never let a man tell you you're "different" like it's a compliment.

The truth? We are all Not Like Other Girls. Each woman is a wonderful individual, whether she likes glitter or baseball or both or neither. I love women, and I love femininity, and I would hate to have to rely on throwing these things away in order to stand out. To stand with other women, and to seek validation from no one but yourself—nothing is more powerful.