Hey fellow lifeguards, I know that we all have the same thoughts while on stand. They are all very common, but we think about so many different things sometimes other than our job. Sitting in the chair that long pretty much tends to your thoughts going all over the place. After being a lifeguard for five years, here is how I can relate to all of you.
1. If I have to tell one more person to “walk, don’t run,” I am going to scream
Who blows their whistle more times then they can count? I know I do, and I am starting to think that the kids are just testing me. It seems as if nobody walks anymore, except for me.2. My bladder hates me
I always tell myself to go to the bathroom before I rotate out and of course, I don’t remember until I am back on stand. I also know half of you have contemplated whether you should get in the water and just go right there.
3. I wonder if I jumped off my lifeguard stand would anybody notice
It looks pretty high from up in the high chair so hey, why not have some fun and do a cannonball on top of all the kids who aren’t listening to you, right?
4. I really want to stop scanning and start dancing
There is ALWAYS one song that comes on during each rotation that makes me want to get up and start dancing. I would definitely enjoy that more than babysitting four hundred kids I did not give birth to.
5. I secretly love adult swim
Every hour, I know all of you lifeguards are looking forward to adult swim because it's fifteen minutes of our rotation that we get to pretend to scan.
6. Even though it is sunny and clear skies, I am praying for lightning
If there is lightning that means I get to go inside for thirty more minutes than I originally planned so even if there is no chance of storms, I always have hope.
7. I wonder how many cool ways I could jump off this chair into the water
Doing a backflip, toe touch, cartwheel, or pencil dive seems so much fun when you are so high up.
8. Why am I getting wet even though I am higher than the pool
Having kids splash you even after you politely asked them to stop is the most annoying thing in the world. Like, if I wanted to get wet I would be in the pool with you.
9. I wish I could eat up here
Most of the time I am thinking about food more than I am scanning. This whole “no eating on stand” rule is stupid, don’t you all agree?
10. When is my break?
I start thinking about my next break the second I walk back outside for my next rotation. Being able to do nothing at work is what we all look forward to, and if you say no then stop lying.
11. If I fake pass out right now, will my boss let me go home?
You know those days where there are only two families at the pool and it is super cold and drizzling? Well yeah, on those days I definitely would not mind hurting myself in order to go home.
Even if you deny any of these thoughts, I know you all have thought about them at one point. Being a lifeguard sure is fun at certain points but that doesn’t stop you from hating it from time to time. Don’t get me wrong, I love my lifeguarding job but I would also love to do a cannonball off the high guard chair sometimes too.
