Who really knows why things happen the way they do in life? It would be amazing if we could just have a crystal ball so we could see what's going on from day to day. Unfortunately life doesn't work like that. It seems like every time we think we have a clue the universe slaps us down and laughs at us saying "Silly mortal! You thought you had a clue but really have no idea." It's occurred to me lately that sometimes life likes to throw us curve balls. This coming from someone who hates anything sports. I may not know a whole lot about sports or care about them but I do know what a curve ball is and I know life likes to throw us a lot of them.
If someone had told me five years ago that I would be in the same place I would have laughed at them. Five years ago I was a high school senior getting ready to graduate. I was bright eyed and excited about the world in front of me. There was not one corner that I was going to leave unknown. I had these big dreams of being this forensic psychologist in New York City with a great life. I was Super Woman ready to take on the world. I was ready.... I thought.
Meanwhile, five years later, here I am. Still in my home town, kicking it with my folks. I really have no real direction of where I'm going right now. All I know is I want to write. That's all I want to do. I want that more than anything in the world. But had you asked me five years ago what I wanted to do, being a writer would not have been my answer. Life threw me a few curve balls along the way though.
It's always funny to me when these curve balls start heading my way. I can see it being thrown at me from a distance and I know what it is but yet I stand there anyway. Just looking and trying to figure out where it will hit me this time around. Sometimes these curve balls are in the form of sticky situations and sometimes they're in the form of people. The really bad curve balls are a mix of the two; sticky situations and people.
This last time I got thrown a curve ball, I don't think I realized that it was being thrown at me. I just stood there, in the line of fire, and watched as it got closer and closer to me. My head was screaming "Run, fool! What are you thinking?!" But my heart was screaming "Let's just stand right here and see what happens." So I did. Little did I know just how painful this curve ball would be when it hit me square in the chest. I guess I was thinking it would be different. But that thought quickly vanished when I was writhing on the ground in pain, just trying to catch the breath that had been knocked out of me.
I'm still trying to catch my breath. Sometimes these curve balls are way worse than others and this one was pretty awful. But there's always a silver lining to be found it would seem. This curve ball hit me so hard in the heart that it sent me into this spiral of sorts. Almost like falling into a rabbit hole, if you will. And just when I thought I would never stop falling into this dark abyss, I hit the bottom. At the bottom of this pit was a part of me I didn't know I had and I guess it took being hit by this curve ball for me to find it. Luckily for me I did. And now I have to figure out what to do with this new piece of me I didn't know I had.
Sometimes life likes to throw us curve balls and while they always suck when you get hit with one, the end result is not always as terrible as you expected.
Feminism Redefined
