God? For me, God is a higher power, the guideline, the universe. God has no gender so I do not refer to God as Him or He. I believe you have the power to attract things to you by your energy so you have to be careful of the vibes you put out. From my experience, a personal relationship with God starts through meditation and reflection. This personal time allows you to hear God more clearly. I've only heard God twice in my life. Once when I had to forgive a friend for the ultimate betrayal and once when I needed to forgive myself. Your journey is your journey, there is no such thing as mapping it out because life freaking happens. Instead of "Beating yourself up" you need to drop all expectations and dive into the journey waiting for you. I still internally struggle with not being where I planned to be in life, but I created those imaginary "Problems" for myself by not embracing my journey.
In high school, I always excelled in academics, but I had no desire to go to college. I applied to only four colleges and numerous scholarships to please my parents and to blend in with my friends. In particular, I applied to the Gates Millennium Scholarship; Bill Gates pays for your full education. I knew I wasn't going to get the scholarship, but I wrote the required 9+ essays. My effort was low with short responses, but they were raw and from an honest place. I made a bargain with God and said "If I get this scholarship I'll go to college. If I don't then I won't go to college and I'll take that as a sign to pursue my dance career." Ultimately, I received the scholarship. I was happy, but I had this odd feeling that I was putting my dreams on the backburner by going to college.
The University of Central Florida accepted me plus offered me additional scholarships, but the dance program denied me. I didn't know anyone when I arrived in Florida. By the end of my college career, I was accepted into the dance program, choreographed an amazing piece for them, gained tons of associates, dominated the dance scene with my company in Orlando, had television & music video exposure and inspired many people to pursue their dreams. I realized God didn't bring me to Orlando for academics, but to impact hundreds of people through my dance. That is when I started to trust God's plan more and follow through blindly even when the next steps were so unclear.
My dream is bigger than me. I have supporters and people who look up to me. People who are watching my journey as guidance or reassurance that following faith is an option. God doesn't just test you with mental blocks, but also spiritual and physical ones. Sometimes God will put you in the most helpless spots in life just to see if you will push through and have faith. My purpose is to inspire, change and elevate people, and dance has always been my platform to do that. I have very dark moments where I get selfish and I distance myself from the world to reevaluate things, but I know this is my purpose because inspiring others is where I find peace and balance.
Recently life has been challenging, however, I have noticed right when I feel confused God mysteriously verifies my path. Sometimes, things are going great and then the rug is pulled right from under me with no warning. For example, three negative things will happen to challenge my persistence and the minute I decide to keep going, I receive one positive moment. It may not seem like much, but the gratification you feel from being persistent through the difficult times really is extraordinary.
I believe God communicates in multiple ways: through people, music, peace, speaking to your soul, etc. There is no such thing as coincidences. God speaks to me through others by repetition. I could be having five different conversations with five different people, but the theme of patience or whatever I'm battling will continue to present itself. It has taken me years to realize when God is using the platform of others to communicate a message to me. I can feel when God is communicating through me as well. The message just flows and I go on autopilot. As I write this article, I know I'm on autopilot. This article is flowing through me and I believe it will reach someone who struggles to hear the messages God is trying to send.
