Through a series of unfortunate events, I have recently been made an eligible bachelorette. So, naturally, as any bored single 20-something would do, I re-downloaded Tinder. People of all ages have used this increasingly popular app for various reasons. My reasons are usually just for casual conversation. So with clear eyes and a full heart, I began to swipe. After a few matches and a few innnnnteresting pick up lines, I was quickly reminded why I deleted the app in the first place. My recent encounters have prompted me to contemplate life on Tinder: Expectation vs. Reality.
Expectation: I’m going to meet some cute males who may share in my interests.
Oh you hate Taylor Swift and Nicholas Sparks just as much as I do? Let me marry you right now…
Reality: WTF. You’re shorter than me and your obsession with cargo shorts is disconcerting.
Many of the guys I came across on Tinder had interests in lifestyles depicted in their pictures that were quite the opposite of what I was looking for. No offense or judgements toward them. They were just not my cup of tea.
Expectation: Maybe I’ll talk to someone with a great sense of humor and witty comments.
It's the little things that impress me. Sure a simple “hey, what’s up” is sufficient but I really enjoy the creative messages people take time to write. I also appreciate the jokes that are so bad they’re actually hilarious. The best I ever received was “what’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.”
Reality: Oh. My. God. MY EYES!
Unfortunately, as many of us know, some of our potential suitors can be a bit *ahem* forward about their intentions. The requests go from the typical “sit on my face” to the downright outrageous. My hope for humanity dies a little each time I read these messages.
Expectation: We connected really well over Tinder; I bet we’ll have even more to talk about in person.
So...you finally met someone who wasn’t a total flop! You set a date and time and he picks you up from your door in a black car and you go to one of the best restaurants in the city. This is going to be the best date ever.
Reality: We couldn’t have been more disconnected.
You find yourself blurting out random and uninteresting questions just to keep the conversation going. He gets way too emotional way too quickly and before you know it, you’re looking for an escape route. You reluctantly start swiping as you kick off your heels when you get home.
Expectation: You can’t wait to meet people you've never met or seen before.
It’s always exciting when you meet a fresh face at a school of close to 30,000 students. You swipe right anxiously awaiting the “It’s a Match!” message to pop up onto your screen.
Reality: You ran into the person you made out with freshman year, the person you're currently seeing, and the guy that won’t stop texting you.
We’ve all been there. You thought that drunken Valentine’s Day kiss was left in the basement of your favorite frat, yet here they are again. You find the person you're supposed to be “seeing”...that’s awkward. Or, my favorite, you find the person that can’t seem to lose your phone number.
Expectation: You finally found the person of your dreams.
This person is perfect. They have perfect hair, a perfect smile, and they seem well-rounded from their pictures. They like the same music, they like the same hockey teams, and they also agree that Taylor Swift is the spawn of satan.
Reality: You accidentally swipe left.
We’ve unfortunately all been here too. You get into a groove, swiping left when suddenly you swipe left past Mr./Miss Perfect. They’re gone for forever. Here’s to hoping you walk by them in the student center or while grabbing a slice at Philly Style. Damn you, muscle memory.
Expectation: Tinder is a complete waste of time and you give up on life.
You’re defeated. The people who message you are extremely creepy and the people you message first take forever to write back, if they even write back at all. You toss in the towel and hang up your Tinder hat.
Reality: You end up becoming really good friends with one (or more) of your Tinder matches.
It’s rare, but sometimes you find yourself becoming friends with your Tinder matches. My friend Paul and I matched on Tinder my freshman year of college and we have been really great pals ever since. I'm not saying this never happens, but when it does, it's pretty special so hold onto it.
Overall, Tinder is what you make of it. Here's my unsolicited opinion: If you’re looking for some booty, I guarantee you’ll find it on Tinder. However, if you’re looking for a relationship, I wouldn’t hold my breath.
