Movies mold our expectations for life. We grow up projecting and molding our lives into them, and them into us. We learn about the types of people we should be and become. We learn about our dreams, expectations, and ideologies and indoctrinate them through the spectacle of production. We begin to view our lives as something that is produced -- whether by ourselves or others. We create genres, grouping our productions with similar ones, forming communities, friend groups, families, identities, etc.
Lights. A main character. This year has been a special kind of stressful for me, as I've become increasingly aware that I have spent the last three years in college and have learned very few skills. Sure, my overpriced liberal arts education has "taught me how to think" and "challenged me" (aka stressed me out and convinced me that my self-worth is defined by a number ranging from 1 to 4), but in terms of an actual, marketable skill set that produces something other than papers or ideas, I have learned very little.
In the production of our life work, we play different roles. As children we are a spectator, observing and learning, as teenagers we become actors, taking stage directions from our parents and environments. As we continue to grow, our role continues to change, grow, and morph, and when our lives seem to be falling apart, it is usually the result of being underprepared for a new role we must play.
Camera. A supporting character. Until now, I’ve been a supporting character in my movie. Giving the power of decision making to anything else but me. Expectation. My mother. My peers. And I’ve excelled at it. It’s led me to attending a prestigious university, a wealth of experiences, and what would be considered a fulfilling life; however, the limit of the supporting character, no matter how great or integral to the story, is that they do not set up the dominoes, they can only knock them down. They do not make the game-changing decisions. They go along for the ride, maybe make little changes to the events that are already in motion.
I have journeyed through the production of my life playing different roles at different points. I have been the main character. The sidekick.The romantic interest. I have read my script and played my part to the best of my abilities. Maybe done a bit of improvisation. I’ve overcome my fair share of challenges. Beat a number of villains. Now that I must write the script and direct the production, I don’t know what to do.
Action. A director. “What are you now that you’ve grown up? What are you going to do with that major? Who are you? Is it too late to change your mind? How are you going to pay your bills? What do you do? What can you do? Who are you? Where are you? Where are you going? Why should we invest in you? Why should we hire you? What value are you? What things of value can you produce?...” Finally, the Answerers are asking me questions. I don’t know how to answer any of them.
“Some n****s just gotta read the script and play they part.” - Kyle, "Doubt It"
