Lately, I’ve been feeling burnt out all the time. I look at my schedule for the upcoming week, and I feel as if the world is closing in on me. I feel defeated and anxious–somehow at the same time.
During my first year at UNC, I didn’t get as involved in clubs as I may have wanted to. I wanted to give myself plenty of time to get adjusted to college classes so that I could find a good balance and not overwhelm myself.
I accidentally overwhelmed myself this year. I took on too much. On top of managing classes and schoolwork, I’m finding myself with either a club meeting or work almost every day during the week. It’s been increasingly more and more difficult to focus on my own mental and emotional health, and it’s starting to show. I’m constantly worried about things I have to do and get overwhelmed with my to-do list. I’ve cried more often and I’m losing sight of who I am.
I used to do things that I enjoyed. I would watercolor, hand-letter or read for fun. Now, because of my busy schedule, I’ve cut these things out of my life and focused instead on those that weigh me down.
Instead of finding the balance I needed, I’ve done the opposite. The sad thing is, I really enjoy all of the things I’m involved with. The clubs I’m in I have executive positions with. I stand by and am proud of the things these organizations do. I like my classes, but it’s all becoming too much.
My work and academic life are affecting me on a day-to-day basis. I’m more self-conscious than usual, I’m getting significantly less sleep than I need and I have trouble focusing on my daily activities. My moods shift abruptly, and I hate how it affects other people. Each day I get up knowing that I’m going to be anxious and all over the place, and it’s hard.
Realizing that something needs to change is only the first step. Going from here, I need to be more open about what I’m struggling with. Not only with my friends, but also the organizations that I’m involved with. If it means taking a step back for a little bit from something I’m involved with, then that has to happen. This is something that’s personally difficult for me, because I honestly love everything that I’m a part of. But continuing this cycle that I’m going through right now will ultimately lead to me not being able to handle anymore.
I know it’s possible to balance everything that’s going on right now, but it’s not easy. With classes getting increasingly more difficult, I need to be able to focus on making sure I stay on track academically. Along with that, taking time to making sure my mental and emotional health is crucial. I can’t put it off any longer.
College may be difficult, and it may tax my health, but it’s not going to be impossible to succeed. Not if I have any say in it.
