Anxiously I enter the party with the unnerving feeling of eyes upon me. Everyone is judging because they are looking. Everyone is looking because that entrance I make is far from the ostentatious ones filled with high strained hellos and pip squeaked, "OMG!" alla sorority girl style. People wonder who I am. Why am I here in this little patch of pseudo society resurrected every college night or Friday. It is uncomfortable to the unassuming want-to-not-to-be belle of the ball. The tête-à-tête and crowded huddles gives me chills because I have no clue what to say. It is embarrassing and weird all at once. Ever alone in the midst even when I am surrounded by a sea of people who vary in experiences, personalities and attention span. Welcome to the mind of an introvert.

Here is the kicker. It is not always a muted one way conversation when I introduce myself. It may start off as an awkward exchange of greetings only to become a serendipitous appeal of "how do you know so-and-so?" which lead to more fun questions of "do you have any pets?" or whatever. Then, I unabashedly work it by showing way too many pictures of my fat, orange cat. A mutual bond of being in the same college or if I am out of state visiting my best friend, Tamara, we talk about all her crazy moments and charming manner. The cocktails flow smoothly and these people become a little more than acquaintances of more of potential friends. This is where the extrovert comes out of her introverted shell.

Funny, it is like a switch turns on after a rough beginning. No broken light bulb hanging overhead at all. When you know me, it is with surety that the room becomes infectious with my too loud laughter and the urge to spin out an appropriate amount of dirty jokes. The excitement does not dim for me. But the question of sincerity could light a nation. People wonder if I am faking the whole shy girl meets world vibe. "Of course not!" I protest vigorously. I could lie and say most people would believe me. Seriously, they do not. For a long time, I thought something was wrong about me. How is it possible to exhibit such quietude that borderlines awkward and then want to dance on stage like no one is watching?

What I learned these past years, especially during those pivotal college ones, is that it is no big deal. Obviously, people do not want it to end up having fake friends and if we are shooting for honesty, we do not want those who are creepy. I do not blame anyone for wanting to guard themselves, even if that means they are unsure about who I am. The best way for people such as myself who are anxious and display a spectrum of social ineptitude from time to time is simple. Do not apologize that you can be a social butterfly and church mouse at the same time. There is no deception because no one lied to anyone. People who want to stay friends will stick around and see who you are. No explanations needed. Have the best of both worlds as an introvert and an extrovert. Or as the kids call it these days, ambivert!