Once upon a time, we were told not to believe everything you read on the internet. That philosophy is fading as we consume more of our news and information through the internet every day.
At some point, writers not unlike myself began to realize this and the new "FAKE NEWS" era of yellow journalism began. The newspaper editor, formally gatekeeper of newsworthy information and reliable sourcing, is a dying profession. Alex Jones can pretty much say whatever he wants and someone is going to believe it. It's an epidemic. Old-school journalism is dying. But inspiring instances of socially conscience journalism haven't disappeared completely.
The work done by Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey with the New York Times to expose Harvey Weinstein was methodical, responsible, and as a result world changing. Their work is the result of countless hours of effort dedicated to finding and proving the truth. Journalism is a noble and difficult profession. Or at least it should be.
This isn't a new phenomenon. Yellow journalism started the Spanish-American War in 1898. You could fill a book with examples of what Americans will believe. A lot of it is harmful. Some of it is hilarious. Here are 5 times that "fake news" filled our lives with joy:
'Jeff Goldblum Will Be Missed'
Celebrity death hoaxes are awful! I have enough stress in my day without having to spend any amount of time convinced we just lost Eddie Murphy. In 2009, it was reported that legendary, uh, actor Jeff Goldblum fell to his death while shooting a film in New Zealand. The report was an early example of the reliability of news on Twitter. New Zealand news stations reported on it even though they had no idea what movie he was supposedly shooting. Even his mother believed it. Normally, this would be a tragic miscommunication. But, Jeff Goldblum, uh, found a way to make it fun. He appeared on The Colbert Report a few days later to quell the rumors, much to Stephen's hilarious confusion.
'Blue Waffles Disease'
As if we didn't already have enough sexually transmitted infections to worry about. "Blue Waffles Disease" was a 2013 April Fool's prank that spread like herpes in a college dorm room. It picked up traction when Trenton councilwoman, Kathy McBride, called for investigation of this dangerous new STI epidemic during a council meeting. During the session she repeats the totally fake information that the dreaded "Blue Waffles Disease" has already claimed the lives of 85 victims in Trenton. According to urbandictionary.com, a "blue waffle" is absolutely nothing like green eggs and ham.
'iOS 7's Waterproofing Feature'
4chan is an awkward, misogynistic internet community that I'm not allowed to access over the Dayton Metro Library's public wi-fi. I'm not familiar with it, but it doesn't seem like a very nice place. Sometimes genius can be found in unexpected places. In 2013, an anonymous member of the community created a fake Apple advertisement for the newly released iOS 7 operating system. The ad claimed that the new update would add a waterproofing feature to all existing iPhones. Somehow, people believed it. It's rude to laugh at people ruining their $500 smart phones but this is objectively hilarious.
'That's Not the Real Avril Lavigne'
It's hard to compete with the "Paul is Dead" theory that's been building a case since 1966. Avril Lavigne might not be a Beatle, but this one is just as fun. This 2011 Brazilian blog post reveals the disturbing truth that the real Avril has been dead since 2003. The theory goes that Lavigne was replaced with her paparazzi double, Melissa Vandella, after dying tragically during a depressive episode in 2003. Evidence includes changes in her handwriting and appearance, as well as the general awfulness of all her music that came out after "Complicated" released in 2002. We can also be certain that the real Avril Lavigne would have never married Nickelback's Chad Kroeger.
'Iraqi Camel Spiders'
TRIGGER WARNING
Okay. Okay. This one is not fun.
This horrifying image made its way around the internet in 2004. It's a real picture. Those are real spiders. They're called camel spiders and they're legitimately terrifying. The camel spider developed an urban legend reputation among American troops in the Middle East during the First Gulf War and Iraqi Invasion. The word is that these spiders grow to the size of dinner plates. They cover desert ground at a blistering 25 mph while making human-like screaming noises as they scurry.
Oh, they can also have an impressive vertical of over 4 feet. They get their name by the way in which they leap from the ground onto the stomachs of camels. From there they eat their way into the camel's stomach and lay their eggs. As if that's not enough for you, their venom is an anesthetic which allows the spiders to quietly consume their sleeping victims' flesh. None of this is true. Nonetheless, the Iraqi Camel Spider has cancelled numerous potential Middle Eastern vacations.
