I identify as a femme lesbian. When I was in 6th grade, I had my first crush on a girl.

I was attending a Catholic school, in a small city, and my feelings utterly confused and terrified me. I had never met an LGBTQ+ person, but I knew that the Catholic Church didn’t seem to want to talk about them, except to mention that marriage was meant to only be between “a man and a woman.” What little I did know about the LGBTQ+ community, I got from the media.

I acknowledge I am very lucky to have grown up during a time when queer people were shown in the media at all. But the images I saw were so narrow, they confused me even further. All I saw were stereotypes about what it meant to be a lesbian and because I didn’t fit them, I pushed away any thoughts of identifying that way. I thought because I didn’t like sports and I wore my hair long, “I must be straight.” I pushed my feelings deep down and didn’t think about them consciously again for years.

I wonder how my life would have been different if I had ever encountered a femme lesbian before I reached adulthood. If I had seen two women in high heels hold hands in passing, even once, would I have come to terms with myself sooner? I can’t imagine how it must feel to identify as something that is represented even less than my identity is. How do these kids find hope or even grasp an understanding of themselves?

It seems like “representation” is a buzzword these days, and representation of all identities on the LGBTQ+ spectrum in the media is so important. However, queer kids need is real-life representation too. The media is never going to capture the whole picture; young people need to know that LGBTQ+ folks are as diverse as people in the straight world. They need to know that however they identify, no matter what their personalities are like, they don’t have to change to fit the label they prefer (nor do they need to label themselves at all!).

LGBTQ+ people are represented by a rainbow for a reason. We are an extraordinarily diverse community, representative of our broader world population. Some of us are married and some of us are single. Some of us are out and proud, while others prefer to express their pride in a more subdued manner. We are doctors and dancers, waiters and woodworkers. We live in cities, small towns and everywhere in between; but even though we are everywhere, we are still a minority. And all of this is why LGBTQ+ kids need you, LGBTQ+ humans. No pressure.

Being LGBTQ+ doesn’t automatically sign you up for role-model duty. You don’t need to compromise your safety or out yourself. You don’t need to take on the troubles of the world, or make your speech PG, or change your lifestyle much at all. What LGBTQ+ kids need from you is to simply see you live; authentically, and however you see fit. They need to see how different we all are. They need to see LGBTQ+ people live their lives in the here and now, out of the spotlight.

They need you to get up in the morning and go to work. They need you to watch TV and cook breakfast. They need you to drive your car to the grocery store and buy your favorite cereal. They need you to follow your dreams, raise your families and practice your religions. They need you to go to pride parades and the mall. They need you to throw parties, and go swimming, and go to therapy. They need you to redefine what being LGBTQ+ means. Because these kids need to know that they don’t need to change who they are to find camaraderie in their own community.

You don’t need to be perfect to be a role model. You don’t even need to commit to much. Just live life with all of it’s ups and downs. Be perfectly imperfect. Share immense love, and live life with all of the pride you can muster. Smile at that kid with the rainbow socks in the grocery store, and be an everyday superhero.