The thing about my ex getting a girlfriend that bothered me the most was that I felt I was being replaced. He slowly stopped talking to me and I became jealous. i would stalk her online and in my head, i had a vision of who this girl was and the relationship between her and my ex. This led to me becoming obsessed with her. I'd want to know what she was doing constantly. I was jealous of her face, her hair, her clothes. I even wanted someone to love me the way her boyfriend loved her. This was very unhealthy and is not something I'm proud of. I never anticipated how obsessed I'd get with this girl, I know next to nothing about.
Yet, it happened so fast. It went from looking at a few pictures to checking her account daily. In my head, her boyfriend and her have the most romantic relationship. In my head, they live together and have sex regularly. In my head, they don't have a worry in the world. But that's the thing, it's all in my head. The fact is this girl is a real person and I don't know her and I don't know her life. And while I wish I was still in college so I could avoid the responsibility of adulthood, I don't need to be 20 years old again. It's not my job to be this girl my ex is with. My job is to be me. I don't need to transform myself into her by pretending to be British, my liking sci-fi, or anything else this girl is into. I'll admit my online stalking led me to learn she is a literature student who is into sci-fi. But that's all I know about her. I don't need nor do I want to become her, because she's her own person.
It took me a long time to realize that as I found myself trying to compete with the image of her I had in my head. I thought that I needed a relationship to get on her level, but when I found myself in one I realized that my relationship with my boyfriend is its own special, unique thing that can't even compare to her relationship with her boyfriend. It's like apples and oranges because I'm sure me and her love differently and have a different dynamic with our partners. I don't know what their dynamic is like and nor do I want to. I'm just happy to put the image of her behind me so we can both live happy and healthy lives.
And to any girl, who is obsessed with their ex's girlfriend, I understand. It's hard to not compare yourself to them, but you don't need to. This girl is not worth your time or mental wellbeing and it's best to put her behind you. There is no such thing as "winning the breakup" and trying to compare to where your ex is at will only lead to stress and anxiety. And the truth about my ex is he probably doesn't even think about me, so by thinking about his girlfriend I'm only hurting myself. I wish I could take back that year and a half I'd look at her pictures and hate myself. I wish I could take back the tears I shed over him and her. I wish I could take back the anger I felt toward her. But I can't so I have to just focus on moving on. I have to focus on putting to bed, the image of this woman I had created in my head.
Right now, I'm the happiest I've ever been and even though I'm not where I'd thought I'd be a year out of college, I don't hate my life. I'd love a job so I can create money and move out of my parents house, but I don't hate myself that it hasn't happened yet. Everything will happen on its own time, or I hope that's the case anyway. I don't need to compare my life to that of a young adult who lives half a world away because our path is so different and the relationships we'll form in our lives will be so divergent. Me and this woman are vastly incomparable due to how different I'm sure we are. And I'm thrilled that's the case, because that means he found someone more suited for him and I found someone more suited for me. And I'm ecstatic about that. I wish them nothing but happiness in their life together and hope she finds happiness wherever life takes her.
