There is always one person in our lives who have changed us, whether for good or bad. They are the one person who we always look back on and wonder how different our lives would be if they did not enter. Whether they know it or not, they often play one of the largest roles in our lives and due to their role, how we live our lives, and our future relationships become altered.
In my case, that person was you. You know exactly who you are, and to this day I wonder how much happier I could have been if we had never met. Don't get me wrong, we did have our good times. You were at one point one of my best friends, but when it comes down to it, you were also the one who changed my outlook on relationships and people in general. Because of you, my trust for people, especially guys, has been shattered like glass. I am always afraid to let my guard down with those I meet because I am worried that they will just have an ulterior motive and cause me the same pain that you put me through. I have pushed people away because I felt that the pain of losing them that way would hurt less than them being able to walk away the same way that you did. I have lost out on multiple relationships because I no longer have the trust to give my heart to anyone. It has now become difficult for me to believe that I could be happy because you have ruined the image of happiness for me.
Do you remember the first time that you told me that you loved me? Did that mean nothing to you? Were those three words just simply words to fill in empty space? Because when I uttered them, I meant them with every ounce of my being. The things that you said to me when things began to go south are words I can never unhear. They are forever etched in my brain. Do you even remember the terrible things you said to me? Do you remember how much you belittled me and how you called me the most insulting of names in order to make yourself look better? As I look back, I am amazed in how you were so easily able to brush those things off and of how you made yourself into some kind of victim once I decided that I was done with the pain you caused me. I had spent countless nights awake, crying after we broke up. Your coldness convinced me that I could not find someone who would treat me like I deserved to be treated. I settled for those who would cause me hurt because I did not feel worthy of more. You had made me feel like no one would ever want to be with someone like me and had turned me into broken goods.
You always promised me that you were different than the rest, you promised me that you would never hurt me, and that I could trust you. You are now the person I use as a comparison. I use the shattered pieces of our story to show myself what I never want again. It now becomes what I use to know if I don't want someone, if they are like you or if they treat me like you did. I use our story to keep myself on guard in my future relationships and to know that the only person I can truly trust is myself and my own instincts. I had been so innocent and trusting before we met, but I guess I had also been quite naïve, I took everything that you said and believed it.
I gave everything for you and would have done anything I could to make you happy. I bent over backwards for you, and you wouldn't have even considered doing half of what I have done. You used me in more ways than one and looking back I am disgusted with what I let you get away with. Everyone warned me about how you were treating me, they told me that you were taking advantage of me, but I was too blinded by my feelings for you to see the truth. I cared so much for you and you didn't seem to care at all about how I felt or how you were treating me. You treated me like garbage and tossed me aside when something or someone better came along. You acted as if nothing had ever happened and moved on without a second thought.
What I hate most about what you have done is that every time I try to move on with my life, you come back. You always find a way to sneak back into my life like a snake, ready to take the joy and happiness away when I find it once again. Anytime I find happiness without you is when you reenter my life and your presence squanders it. Even though we have long broken up, it is like you are afraid to lose me once and for all. You had a million chances to win me back, why did it take you until I moved on to want me back? You act as if I am still yours, but I never will be again. I will find someone else and you will have to stand by and watch me be happy and maybe you will wonder if that could have been us. My happiness is no longer connected to you, my ties with you are now cut clean.
This is goodbye to the boy who broke my heart. You were my greatest heartbreak and you not only taught me the truth about those around me, but you taught me the truth about myself. I will never forget you and you will always remain a part of me. But I will never let you treat me like that again. It is now, after much time, that I realize my worth. It is now that I realize that I will always deserve better than you ever did and ever could give me. I deserve someone who gives me the world and who treats me as if I was the only girl in the world. I deserve to be happy. You probably never thought that I would move on but the mistake is on you because from this moment on I am in control of my own happiness. You are no longer in control of me or my life, and with that I wish you a sweet goodbye for the rest of our days. Your chapter in my life is being closed for good.
