I have dated a lot of guys. A lot. Some who made me feel what love was, and a few that showed me how to hate myself even more than I already had.

I dated a guy for a week, and he eventually took my virginity, just to dump me the next day.

I dated a guy who made me pay for everything, and then told me he loved another girl.

I dated a guy who stalked me, threatened to kill himself through his actions, and eventually hurt himself physically along the way.

I dated a guy online. I learned he was dating another girl who had a child, and that they were getting married.

I dated a guy who on and off would tell me he loved me, and then would dump me. He would tell me how horrible I was as a girlfriend and how to fix myself. I would always go back because he promised he would change and he never did.

I dated a guy who used me for pleasure.

I dated a guy who cheated on me our entire relationship.

Each guy treated me, in the beginning, like a queen. And then they each turned on me. Because of these relationships, I hated myself...

Emotionally:

I am clingy.

I am emotional.

I love unconditionally.

I make excuses for you.

I drop everything for you.

I want to talk to you.

I want to spend every second with you.

I want to hold your hand.

I am different.

I am strange and weird.

I am not a girly girl, unless we go on a date.

I am modest.

I have anxiety and I worry.

Physically:

I have small breasts.

I have acne.

I don't have natural, long blonde hair.

My eyes aren't pretty.

I have large thighs.

I have large calves.

I have large feet.

My toes are big and gross.

My nails are never nice.

My natural hair color is an ashy brown and gray.

I am pale.

I am ugly.

No one will love me.

And then I met you.

When I met you, and we talked for the first time, I will always remember what you said to me. It was so funny and so inappropriate that I can't quote you.

I remember texting you and helping you get over your ex-girlfriend.

I remember going to dinner with our friends and talking about our similar interests and laughing so much at our jokes.

And I was so scared.

I remember playing video games with you (and I won every round), and you kissed me after our last round.

I finally found someone who is perfect for me.

I remember us taking time apart so that you could think about things and your personal problems. And I helped you through it. And we were perfect again.

I remember our fun times with your best friend, and how we would always talk to him about his relationship problems. Or play video games. Whichever came first.

I remember calling or facetiming you over the summer every single day or night in order to talk to you for just a couple minutes.

I remember when I called you when you were at work, crying because of my job and how I had to move out of my house, and you calmed me down, rushed over as fast as you could, and took me to your dorm.

I remember the first time you said you loved me.

And I remember you saying you loved me 10 minutes ago when I visited you at work.

We may currently only be on our 11th month together, but it feels like a lifetime.

I'm glad you accept me for who I am. You showed me a brighter side of life. One that makes me happy every single day when I wake up.

Thank you for helping me better myself...

Emotionally:

We are both clingy, and you love my clinginess.

We are both emotional, and you comfort me when things get hard for me.

I love you unconditionally. You love me unconditionally.

I don't make excuses for you because I don't have to.

I drop everything for you, but only when I need to. You understand I have important things to do.

I want to talk to you. And you want to talk to me too.

I want to spend every second with you. And you want to spend every second with me too.

I want to hold your hands, even though they are sweaty. And you want to hold mine too.

I am different. I am strange and weird. And we embrace our differences, our strangeness, and our weirdness together.

I am not a girly girl, unless we go on a date. And you would rather me be comfortable then in pain.

I am modest. And you don't worry about that.

I have anxiety and I worry. And you comfort me and remind me that everything is okay.

Physically:

I have small breasts. But you don't care about size.

I have acne. And you still call me beautiful.

I don't have natural, long blonde hair. And you would rather me have brown hair anyway.

My eyes are pretty. You tell me all of the time.

I have large thighs. And you like to jiggle them.

I have large calves. And you don't even notice them.

I have large feet. And you couldn't care less about them.

My toes are perfect the way they are.

My nails are nicer than yours are anyway.

My natural hair color is an ashy brown and gray. And it doesn't bother you.

I am pale. And you are paler than I am.

I am beautiful the way I am.

I am perfect the way I am.

And then a sexist businessman became our president-elect.

All of the previous thoughts about my body and my mind came back. I am a woman. Will I be able to thrive in a world where women are told no again? Will the private parts of my body be grabbed or made fun of again? Will I only be looked at only as a sex object and not a person who has amazing ideas for our future?

I was terrified. You saw it in my eyes.

You comforted me. You told me everything was going to be okay, and that you would protect me. You reminded me of my dreams for the future. You have faith in me.

I love you Sam. Happy 11 months. No matter what happens, we will get through this.