I had my first love, but you made me question if it was really love. I met you about five months after him and I broke up. You and I connected right away. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. I met you at my darkest time, and you saw my darkest side. You stayed. You loved me at my worst, and as I got better, you loved me at my best. You saw every emotion and every side of me. You made me feel emotions I never realized I had. From feeling your lips on mine, to feeling your arms wrapped around me, I had never felt so safe. It was a complicated situation day in and day out, but we made it work, even just being best friends. Seeing you every day filled my stomach with butterflies, and I simply couldn’t live without you. You were my motivation to get up everyday. You're the reason I went to the doctor when I wasn't feeling well from a concussion I didn't realize I had. You're the reason I remember the times you would hold me when I cried, and that day you told me you were proud of me for accomplishing big things.
I remember all the good times, and the bad. Through the rough days, and the good days, you stayed by my side. From the tears and fights, to the smiles and cheeriness, you never left. Then one day, you stopped talking to me. You stopped answering my texts and dropped me. It hurt so much. But you made me feel one thing, true love. I couldn’t stand a day not seeing you or talking to you. The laughs and jokes we shared are now a memory. I have screenshots of snapchats and conversations between us; Sometimes I'll look at them and smile.
What happened to all of that? I gave you every ounce of my energy. It’s been 11 months since we met, and every once in a while you’ll say hey. Not a day goes by where you don’t cross my mind. I randomly burst into tears because I miss you so much. Not a day goes by where I wonder what I did wrong. Not a day goes by where I don’t still love you.
You seem so unfamiliar now. I no longer remember what your voice sounds like, or how your lips taste. I no longer remember how soft your hair was, or how tight and safe your hugs feel. I don’t remember your eyes, or the way they looked in the sun. I don’t remember anything about you anymore. All I ask is that you don’t forget me. I still hope and pray that one day I will get a chance, regardless of our two and a half year age difference.
You introduced me to a band that forever holds a place in my heart, Avenged Sevenfold. I can’t listen to any of their songs without them reminding me of you. From the lyrics "don't speak/ no use for words/ lie in my arms, sleep secure," from Crimson Day, and "promise me you'll never feel afraid," from Fiction. To the lyrics "gave me your hand but realize I just wanna say goodbye/ please understand I have to leave and carry on my own life," from Afterlife. I can’t move on with my life because I only love you. No matter how hard I try, I always run back to you. You always have a place in my heart because you showed me what love really was. You promised me you'd never let go.
I love you.
