Dear Self-Worth:
Even when I find myself accomplishing my goals, doing things I never thought I could, you still come to me late at night and whisper in my ear how little I matter. Why must you be so cruel? You have broken me down to a point where I feel exhausted because it seems that no matter what I do I can never be good enough for myself. Even worse, you relish in my falls. A low grade, losing a friend, struggling to meet a deadline – you celebrate when I can’t seem to win.
I write to you today not to tell you why you make me so angry and sad, but to tell you why I will silence your negative voice. I do matter. I am smart and strong and good enough. You can try to break me down, drag me to the lowest level but I will get back up and I will succeed. You might think you’re winning because I am so hard on myself, because many times I buy into the tauntingly painful words you use to sing me to sleep – but you’re already losing.
The fact that I get up every day, try to make new friends and work on my existing friendships, I create new projects at work, I set new goals for myself, I work hard to make good grades – the fact that I still even try shows signs of your impending defeat. The steps I’m taking may seem small in the shadows of the negative craters you’ve left behind, but I will be victorious.
Your words swirl around me at night but still I find the strength to counter you. I’ve come to realize that while you are a part of me, you are not all that I am. You do not get to decide if I am enough. You have allowed outside forces to influence you and I also now realize that you taunt me because you too hurt.
I will sooth your aching heart now by reminding you that you are good. You work hard and you keep trying even when you fail. You inspire me to prove you wrong – to prove all the naysayers wrong by succeeding. I know we’re hurting right now, I know some days are darker than others but I’m here to remind myself that the only person I need to be good enough for is myself. I’m here to say to you that I matter, that my light will shine through all the darkness that fills my days.
Dear self-worth, the rules of the game are changing. I will no longer allow the world to infiltrate you and get to decide if I’m good enough or not. Instead of being on opposite teams, let’s work together. Don’t be scared about failing and struggling – I can promise you we will, but we will keep trying and whatever the outcome I want you to promise me this: I will always be enough.
Sincerely,
The Worthy Ones
