Dear C-Dog,
Welcome. I didn’t realize last year when I was figuring out my rooming arrangements that I would have to account for a tag-a-long puppy. Nevertheless, you don’t shed quite as much, so you certainly have that working in your favor.
I should probably start by ordering you to put that Nerf gun down. If you pelt me with one more bullet, I’ll hang you out the window by your smelly feet. I’m not sure why E-Money thought that it would be a good idea to give you one for your birthday, but we all have our crosses to bear in life and her reckless decisions are mine, I suppose (though I have grown quite fond of her and would be bored if I were living in a single).
I will admit that ever since the two of you started dating, she and I have grown much more paranoid whenever we hear whistling. That’s OK though –– it gives us a moment to brace ourselves before the inevitable high-pitched screech: “HI GUYS!” You should come with a warning label that reads: Easily excitable.
You also need to invest in shower shoes. I don’t know how you have any peace of mind with the knowledge that you have walked across the first floor restroom bare foot. I certainly cannot fathom how E-Money has no qualms that your smelly feet –– that have touched her sheets –– have also been traipsing across the entire building.
Your Nerf gun tendencies and questionable feet aside, you’re a pretty cool guy and you’re certainly a perfect match for the 5-year-old that I chose to room with this year. If anything, I think that our developing alliance can truly be a work of art when it comes to putting an end to this prank war you two have created. E-Money will never know what hit her.
Sincerely,
P-Money aka “the roommate”
P.S. I’m glad she picked Assassin’s Creed over Gears of War.