With a new school year now in full swing around the country also comes another new semester for me, one in which I am spending 20 hours a week on online courses at home instead of raging at campus events like I was last year. Attending a community college for two years was one of the happiest times of my life. Socially, I was thriving in this new environment and I felt so lucky to have a great group of friends that were like my second family. We collaborated on school events together as members of one of the biggest clubs on campus. We sang our way through karaoke sessions during Club Hour. We danced our hearts out in choreographed Bollywood numbers designed to entertain and educate the student community. We lived on cafeteria food and instant macaroni and cheese, laughing at YouTube videos together in between classes and sharing the best and worst parts of our days with each other. Our newfound friendship blossomed after school hours as we navigated beautiful scenic trails and devoured delicious pieces of cheesecake, growing even closer as time passed. I had thought that I found friends for life, but when we all graduated and summer came around, I was completely alienated by those same people that I believed would stick around for years to come.
The last time that I saw, and in some cases even spoke to, over half of my friends from college.
I want to talk to those friends that made me feel so alone. Perhaps they will see this, perhaps they may not, but it is important to rid our minds and souls of negative energy in order to leave room for something better. And while it is hard to believe that 2016 is almost over, this fact reminds me that I don't want to end this year or start the next one on a bad note. If I could speak to each of you right now, in this exact moment, this is what I would say:
-We met in biology class and instantly formed a friendship. It honestly felt like I had found a long-lost sister. You read my mind and knew exactly what I was thinking most times. You loved writing like I did. I helped you write one of your stories and you were going to help me with one of mine. We gushed to each other about our guy problems and you showed me why I should love Shawn Mendes's music. (I still do though.) Not only did I introduce you to my family, but you even bonded with my baby cousin. My family welcomed you into our home and you ended our friendship by not inviting me to your birthday party and unfriending me on Instagram. Is that what you thought of our friendship?
-You both were best friends and members of our club. I started off being friends with you and then I also bonded with your friend. You were hilarious. Her energy was infectious. It felt like we were the "three amigas." In reality, I was really just a third wheel. I don't think your friend or her friend ever really planned on continuing being friends with me; it was just a matter of proximity and getting closer to you. Maybe there was a hint of jealousy. I think that your friends just wanted to feel like the alphas of the group. Make someone think that you care only to stomp all over their feelings later on. Every group picture that you posted at an event that you excluded me from, did you think of how that would make me feel? Did it feed your egos just a bit more knowing that you were tearing your "friend" down with each post and comment that you shared? Could you just imagine how the stream of tears looked running down my face as I sat alone in my bedroom asking what I did to deserve your shitty treatment? Every time that I tried to reach out to you all just to reassure you that I was still there if you ever needed me, you couldn't even respond back. Don't patronize me now by pretending that you want to actually catch up over a cup of coffee or lunch.
-Flaking out on our plans every single time we made them because of a family emergency or some unforeseen circumstance would be somewhat acceptable. Forgetting that we even had them in the first place or neglecting to acknowledge your friend because you would rather spend time with someone else is a load of crap. And if you're going to lie about why you can't hang out with me all of a sudden, at least don't live chat with the entire human population and insult my intelligence.
Whew, that felt good! If you're in the same situation as I am, do yourself a favor and find some new friends. I have a select few good ones right now, and if I can find some more as caring as them, I'd thank my lucky stars every night!
