My Dearest Maiah,

On your sixteenth birthday, I wanted to write to you and let you know how I feel about all of this. First of all, I thought I forbid you from growing anymore when you turned four, this is unacceptable. Since you are not listening and continuing to grow older, I guess I better leave you some words of wisdom as you travel this road that leads to adulthood and leave me (sob).

Lesson One: Don't Leave Your Mother

Sorry, I had to say it. The reason that mother's say this to their children is because we love you so much that our heart wants to burst with sadness when we think about not seeing you everyday, sharing your daily life with you and having to share you with other people. The real truth is that we do want you to leave. We want to see you go out into the world, make your dreams come true, and start your own full, beautiful life. Wanting these two things at one time is torture. My hope is that I can always encourage you to grow and leave to create your own life, and when I call and seem sad because I haven't seen you, just remember that it is only because I think you are great and want to be around you.

Lesson Two: Don't Leave Yourself

Since it is natural and inevitable that you will start to create a life with your friends, partners, and co-workers away from us, I want you to know that the best friend you will ever have is you. Do not abandon yourself, do not doubt yourself, and do not leave yourself when things get hard. You may have moments when you think that if you just changed this or that about yourself, that people would like you, partners would be attracted to you, and employers would want to hire you. If you try to change to suit them, you are abandoning who you really are and presenting to them a self that you cannot sustain. You are always good enough and when you are true to yourself, the things that are perfect for you will be able to find their way to you.

Lesson Three: Find Out What Fills You Up And Do It

Life isn't easy. It can zap your energy, test your patience, and make you feel like you are hanging by a thread. I know I'm really selling this adulting thing to you right now, but I would be lying to you if I said it was easy. You will need to learn to take care of yourself. You won't always be able to do what you want to do for a job or in your life, especially when first striking out on your own, you may have to do what you have to do to get by. Knowing what fills you up emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and creatively can prevent you from feeling like life is a daily grind. If you can go to yoga after work or paint a picture outside when on a break from your classes, you will come back to the work you need to do refreshed and filled up.

Lesson Four: Sexy Is Probably Not What You Think

I know that you are constantly bombarded with images and ideas about what it means to be sexy, attractive, and in a love relationship. It is crap. My favorite definition of sexy comes from the book Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton,

I think sexy is a grown-up word to describe a person who's confident that she is already exactly who she was made to be. A sexy woman knows herself and she likes the way she looks, thinks, and feels. She doesn't try to change to match anybody else. She's a good friend to herself- kind and patient, and she knows how to use her words to tell people she trusts about what's going on inside of her-her fears and anger, love, dreams and mistakes, and needs. When she's angry she expresses her anger in healthy ways. When she's joyful, she does the same thing. She doesn't hide her true self because she is not ashamed. She knows she's just human-exactly how God made her and that's good enough. She's brave enough to be honest and kind enough to accept others when they are honest. When two people are sexy enough to be brave and kind with each other, that's love. Sexy is more about how you feel than how you look. Real sexy is letting your true self come out of hiding and find love in safe places. That kind of sexy is good, really good, because we all want and need love more than anything else.

Lesson Five: It Takes Your Whole Life To Grow Up

I always thought that I'd be all done growing up by around 25. I'd have a husband, a job, kids, house, etc. Done with growing and now time to coast through life. It was so immature and silly to think that-but how could I have known how long it takes to grow up. The truth is you never stop. You can only grow into the next phase of you. Enjoy each stage and phase. Some will be hard, some will be the most fun, but they will never stop coming. You will grow and change as long as you live and I hope you never think that you are done. It turns out that this is actually one of the coolest things about life that makes it exciting and new all the time. Nothing lasts long and certainly not forever. So be as grown up as you can in the moment and know that you will grow older, wiser, cooler, and more beautifully you every year you are blessed to walk this Earth.

I love you now, I will love you later, and I will love you for all time. You are my baby girl, my blessing from God, and the best gift I've ever gotten. Enjoy sixteen, be sixteen, and do all the fun, hard, beautiful things sixteen-year-olds get to do.

Love,

Mom