It's been a year and a half since you left us, and I miss you more and more everyday.
One of the memories that I keep going back to is in that hospital room when you first got sick. You looked at me and then to everyone else in the room and said "I'm going to beat this, there is no way that this is gonna take me. I'm going to see Steven graduate medical school and you graduate high school. I am going to be there the day you get married."
Sadly, 15 months later from that day, it was your time to go. Everyone knew that the time was coming so we just held our breath and cherished the time we had left. Just because we knew it was coming, doesn't mean that we were any less prepared for the heartbreak. Even though you were not at Steven or I's graduation physically, I do firmly believe that you were there spiritually. There is no way you would have missed that for the world. that I could still hear that cowbell in the back of my head. We know that you wanted to spend one last Mother's Day with your family so you could leave on a good note.
One thing that I have struggled with since you left is jealously. Not jealousy of you not being with me right now or us not being together right now. but the jealousy of my friends who still have all of their grandparents. The jealousy of how "perfect" their families are.
Another thing that I learned from this whole experience is how much cancer sucks. Cancer comes into innocent people's lives, taking and destroying. And the sad part is that it is the people who you know don't deserve it, nobody should have to go through cancer. But one thing that I know that it cannot take is the memories. The 17 years worth of beach trips to Bethany or laughing so hard and being so embarrassed that you and Pap would sing your Elvis songs in the car.
I just wanted to say thanks for everything. More importantly thank you for being one of the best grandmas a girl could ask for. Because of you, if I could have any wish it would be that grandparents could live forever. There is never enough time in this world for your loved ones.
All My Love,