Mama has been thinking a lot about you, lately. What you'd look like, your personality, how much you would have weighed, even your birthday. Mama imagines you with dark brown and really curly hair like your father, caramel skin like your mother, and big cheeks like your big brother.
Mama imagines you would have been very strong-willed, extremely stubborn and wildly independent. Grandmas house would have been your favorite place to go because Grandpa will spoil you senseless. Uncle King would give you all of his toys even though he doesn't like to share and Auntie Asia would take thousands of pictures with you while saying, "She looks like me. She could be my baby." Grandma will love you beyond recognition and tell Mama, "Nope! Take your baby! I didn't push her out, remember?" Just to mock Mama. You would be dancing with Mama and Daddy in front of the TV to your favorite Disney movie. Your big brother would show you how to play video games and how to do certain dances that Mama and Daddy didn't show you.
Of course, this is all years from now and you would only be 3 months old currently since your birthday in August. Mama still would have loved the little things with you. Watching you sleep to make sure you're good at night, making Daddy change your dirty diapers even though he would not want too. Attempting to breastfeed you and being completely terrified if, for some reason, you don't like the taste of breastmilk. Being frightened that every little scratch, sneeze, and cough is some rare disease that Mama knows nothing about. Mama looked forward to calling Grandma asking for newborn advice just for her to say, "She'll be fine! Relax!" Mama also looked forward to starting off every conversation with, "My daughter is so..." because you are Mamas whole world. Even more than that, you would have been the reason Mamas world rotates.
Mama won't lie to you, it's been tough. Mama has been watching everyone else have the time of their lives with their daughters. Mama has been feeling a bit lonely without her daughter. She's watching everyone make play dates with their friends and their daughters and Mama feels left out. She wants to include herself in those plans but... Mama just isn't a Mama without her baby now, is she? But it's going to fine. The sadness will wear off and Mama will have you back.
"Babies choose their parents" is a phrase that Mama chose to believe in. Grandma says, "She chose you. She saw the life you were living and didn't want that for you or herself. So she's going to wait and come back to you when you're in a better position. As of right now, she chose her Mama."
And Mama will forever hold on to that statement. I'll be waiting for you, My Queen.
